This Naked Raccoon is Unsettling and I’m Sorry You Have to See Him

He didn’t ask to be this way, but I still don’t like it. For reasons that are beyond my understanding, the owner of this raccoon has decided to shave him. Yes, this raccoon has an owner, and yes, it was probably a medical necessity, but his resultant nude form awakens a discomfort from the bowels of my soul. Raccoons shouldn’t look like that. They should look fuzzy with weird little hands, not like your dad stumbling downstairs naked at 3 AM to make himself a sandwich. For Christ’s sake, at least give him a shirt!