The Great Mascot Race Is Better Than Any Sport

Finally, something that could make marathons interesting.

Long-distance running suffers from what we Americans might call the “soccer problem.” That is, when there’s always something going on, it makes it difficult for our TikTok-addled brains to focus on it. This is why sports like football only involve about 11 minutes of actual play, and why most people are sick of baseball by the fifth inning.

Now, I have an innovation that could make a sport like running interesting for us viewers: make them wear mascot costumes.

They’ve already done it in the U.K. to decent success, and if we bring it to the States, I really think we can crank it up into high gear. If not the real Olympics, maybe the mascot races have a place in the enhanced Olympics — I want to see a juiced-up Mr. Potatohead tackle the hurdles!