'Medieval Sex Machine' Offers a Window In Our Very Horny Past

DaVinci’s flying machine has nothing on this.

TikToker Ian Slattery (a.k.a. @ian..slattery) shared a fascinating historical artifact with his more than 357,000 followers – a medieval device that resembles a modern-day sex toy.

“Can anyone guess what this medieval machine was for??” he captioned the clip, depicting a wooden peg emerging and retracting from what appears to be a seat.

Slattery never followed up with a concrete answer to what, exactly, this machine, which appears to be on display at the Museum of Torture in Toldeo, Spain, is meant to do, though several commenters offered their best guesses.

Aside from eliciting a few oddly wholesome theories on the machine’s purposes – “The very first donut machine. It poked the holes before baking,” joked commenter @wakeme4, while @MsLiz_AGenXGoddess suggested the machine was “a medieval version of whack a mole”– others took a much more down-horrendous approach to the object. 

“I don’t know what they call it but my wife keeps asking for one,” added @mr_thor__.

To paraphrase TikToker @meganrobbins48,  – who needs medieval torture devices when you have medieval touch-her devices.