'Your Task is to Blow a Job Interview in the First 30 Seconds': 25 People Give Their Methods

1.

When he goes for the handshake, step in for the hug. Refuse to move until he reciprocates, and throw in a "mmm," in his ear.

2.

Point to the picture on the desk and ask, "who are those idiots?"

3.

Ask the interviewer how qualified they are to be taking your interview, and as a bonus, ask for their salary.

4.

"Can I get a copy of the resume I sent you? I forgot mine."

5.

Announce I took a dump, and that I need help.

6.

"There's no drug test, right?"

7.

"I want this job, but I don’t want to work with any of 'these' people," and point at all of the employees.

8.

“So I am getting paid for this right?”

9.

"First things first, I don't really like work so I'll only be coming in every so often. That said, how much are we talking salary-wise?"

10.

Sit on the interviewer's lap and seductively whisper "hey..."

11.

Once they are seated, point to the interviewer's chair and say, "excuse me, can I sit there?"

12.

Bring a starter kit from each of my five MLMs in, and "answer" every question by weakly tying the content to at least 3 of the "great opportunities" I have. If called out, admit cheerily that I never wanted the job, I just want to help the interviewer quit theirs, or would they like to host a party for free product?

13.

Be myself.

14.

Start by asking if they're "one of those super up-tight companies with all that harassment stuff.”

15.

"So to be clear, you have someone in mind already and you're just interviewing to make it look like you're conducting a search?"

16.

I'd use the old trick I learned from Tom Hanks when he was drunk Uncle Ned on Family Ties. He was asked a question in an interview and said "I can tell that story best in song," and whipped out a clarinet.

17.

You can do what my brother did and have a hip flask of whisky in your jacket pocket and let it fall on the floor as you take your jacket off.

18.

"You didn't sound this fat on the phone."

19.

Come in with my balls hanging out of my laciest panties.

20.

Walk in wearing a "Black Lives Matter" shirt and a "Make America Great Again" hat. Pretty much anyone who is OK with one of them, will have a problem with the other.

21.

Chug a can of Coke, wipe my mouth on my sleeve, belch loudly, and say “alright, now I’m ready.”

22.

"You want a bump?" passes the straw.

23.

Pick your nose and wipe your booger on the interviewer’s desk. Bonus points for saying, “Mind if I park this here?”

24.

“You’re uglier than your voice would imply.”

25.

Keep referring to the interviewer as "tough guy."