Trump’s Tweets Were Tumultuous at Best, but Do We Miss His Twitter Fingers?

1.

Let’s get one thing straight: as a PERSON, Donald Trump is dumb, racist, and misogynistic. Despite these qualities (or maybe BECAUSE of them), Trump ended up being the ultimate Twitter user.

Just look at the tweet above. It combines name-calling, IQ bragging, and passive aggression into two short sentences. Everything this guy posted was like an entire thread of back-and-forth arguing rolled into a single message. And no matter how you feel about Trump, this is a genuinely funny statement that he released into the world.

2.

In retrospect, Trump may be the ultimate proof that voters support someone they feel like they could have a beer with (even though Trump doesn’t drink). And tweets like this one show the childlike way this dude looks at the world, and we can see how some might dig that.

Like, here is Trump, three years from assuming the presidency, earnestly believing that how and where they broadcast the Miss Universe Pageant is going to finally bring America and Russia together. Centuries of immaculate foreign policy all leading to this dude thinking some T&A is how the healing starts for two rival nations.

Then again, given Trump’s history of walking into beauty pageant changing rooms, sometimes with underage contestants inside, maybe he figured the international healing had to start in his pants before spreading to the two countries.

3.

Another reason voters related to Trump is that everyone knows at least one idiot in their crew that constantly gets mad and then has to pretend he isn’t mad. And Trump is kind to these kinds of voters because Trump simply is that kind of person!

Long before becoming president, Trump loved referring to the source of even the mildest criticism as a “hater” or “loser.” But as former Democrat Trump drifted further towards rightwing circles, even the conservatives in these circles noticed how easy it was to trigger a Trump meltdown.

This is how we get this perfect tweet where Trump mixes an insult with a promise that he’s not Big Mad, he’s speaking with “great love and affection.” And it’s undeniably funny that we had Trump screaming vulgarities at millions of people a little over a year before getting all the “family values” voters. Then again, they didn’t care about him grabbing women by the p*ssy, so they were probably never going to care about the foul language.

4.

On a good day, Trump did more than make us laugh with his insane online insults. On these days, he would manage to instill an entire lifestyle down to just a few words. And in this tweet, that’s exactly what he did with consumerism.

Think for a moment about how many people wring their hands over whether they are eating and drinking the right things, whether the companies they support are ethical, etc. Now here comes Trump, acknowledging that Coca Colca is “garbage” but promising he’s “still keep drinking” regardless of how the company feels about him (and, presumably, vice versa).

This is basically consumerism in a nutshell, and Trump is just being honest about it. We don’t always buy products because they are good for us or because we love the company. Sometimes, we buy what we want simply because we want it, and Trump understood that perhaps better than anyone.

5.

Most of Trump’s funnier/crazier tweets occurred before he became president. As much as he was elected to be a “tell it like it is” president, the post-presidential Trump didn’t tweet vulgarities or insane conspiracy theories like he used to. But this didn’t mean we stopped getting the occasional amazing post.

The tweet starts out fairly boring. Trump is simply clapping back at the criticism that the seeming revolving doors of his presidential administration are a bad thing. But then we get to the amazing final sentence: “there is no Chaos, only great Energy!”

Close your eyes and say that one out loud. Trump has the chaotic energy of every Tumblr teen and every survivalist gun nut all rolled into one. He basically gave us the bumper sticker here for the last few years. And he did it with seven words and two really weird capitalization choices.

Here, America, was President Vibes. He was bad at handling COVID-19 and even worse about taking his re-election loss like a man. But he was the ultimate Twitter poster, and now that he’s done running our country into the ground, he should be allowed to scream at the digital clouds on Twitter once again.