1. When I have to bullshit my way through a paper due in 20 minutes.
Advertisement
2. When I accidentally use Cinnamon flavored toothpaste after a night of too much Fireball.
3. When I didn't wait for my pizza rolls to cool off before popping one in my mouth.
Advertisement
4. When I see someone leave the bathroom without washing their hands...
5. When I'm waiting to see if a driver is going to let me cross the road.
6. When I got paid today and now I'ma go do stuff.
7. When looking at your mid-term marks in class front of your peers and you did better than all of them.
8. When my girlfriend suggests we try something new and kinky tonight.
9. When putting a fresh pair of batteries in your vibrator.
Advertisement
10. When I went on a date with a quiet girl from work and she brought me to a death metal gig.
11. When my Asian postman delivers a package with no name or address on it.
12. When I get really into genealogy and learn that my past ancestors were extremely poor and had nothing, then won all we now own in a game of poker!
Advertisement
13. Her reaction when I thoroughly exceed her expectations of me.
14. When I'm talking to a hot girl at the bar and she casually drops in conversation that she's really into bloodplay.
15. When I haven't gotten any in ages and someone shows mild interest.
Advertisement
16. When I make a payment on a high interest account and it doesn't even make a dent in the balance.
17. When I overheat the motor on my push mower and it won't start up again no matter how many times I pull the chain.
18. When I grab the big comfy chair before anyone else.
Advertisement
19. When a girl tells me "You're pretty handsome for a fat guy."
20. When I read that Clarkson is coming back to Top Gear.
21. When I'm at my first rock concert and have no idea how to metal.
Advertisement
22. When my little brother tells me he's getting bullied in school.
23. When the seller tries to justify the price by quoting how much they originally paid for it.
24. When my former college asks for donations and I owe them over $20,000.
Advertisement
25. When I've done nothing during the day and I need to get ready cause my friends are waiting for me...
26. When I am at the gym and see a really overweight person going hard.
27. When My Nephew Says "Star Wars Is Stupid"...
Advertisement
28. When I had to scroll down to find my year of birth.
29. When I see my girl doing squats at the gym.
30. When I overhear a hot chick say "I'm going to bang the third guy I see."
Comments