Guy Accidentally Reveals Cousin-Banging Friend's Shameful Secret

1.

This story comes from a Reddit user who may have lost a friend. "So, my friend and I have been close for a long time and he tells me all his secrets because he knows I would never intentionally tell his secrets to anyone. I am known in my friend group for being a steel trap for secrets because I don't care, and don't have a good enough memory to share with anyone what they tell me."

2.

"My friend, lets call him Hiram, confided in me a while ago that he went to hang out with a female cousin of his, lets call her Amelia. Well, Hiram and Amelia always had a weird relationship because Hiram always found Amelia very attractive, and he thought she would flirt with him sometimes."

3.

"They ended up going to a movie together and ended up playing hide the cucumber in the back of his Pt Cruiser. He tells me this in a dairy queen parking lot, and I nearly had an aneurysm."

4.

"So, I sat on the secret for 2 years, and I was doing so good in the whole 'not sharing earth-shattering secrets' department."

5.

"Fast forward to last week. I was hanging out with Hiram, and some of his other cousins, all of whom are men who he has not had sex with to my knowledge, and we were just playing video games and having a good time. At some point Amelia comes up in conversation between all of us."

6.

"His male cousins snicker a little bit because apparently they knew he had a crush on her at some point, but I interpreted their snickers as them knowing that Hiram had boned Amelia. I wasn't too wrong for thinking this because these guys tell each other EVERYTHING."

7.

"So, anyway I say 'dude I still can't believe you banged your cousin' and one of his other cousins yells 'You What'. I think at that moment I saw Hirams life force leave his body. Now, I have to live with the fact that I may have just destroye an entire family with one sentence."

8.

"So, anyway I'm now going into witness protection because Hiram is going to fucking kill me, forward any of my mail to my new address in Argentina. Adios muchachos!"