Funny

Dad's Threatening Letter to Daughter's Ex-Boyfriend Is Twitter Gold

Apparently sending threatening letters is still a thing. Although with all the other options for communicating with people today, it feels more silly than anything.

Many years after this guy was in high school and slept with his then girlfriend, her dad wrote him a letter to say he was going to use the wrath of God to cast a holy spell on him as revenge.

Apparently the spell should make the guy suddenly age by 49 years while also making the dad 49 years younger. Huh, don't think I'd heard that Bible story before.

After this went viral, the dad unfriended the guy on Facebook, again citing some obscure Bible passages that he knows nothing about.

Dads: sometimes much creepier than moms.

1.

Re Demand For Restitution For Stealing My Daughter'S Honor 05.20.2020

Excellent use of subject line. (see full letter available here)

2.

In the interim, I have thought, prayed and studied the Scriptures seeking for an appropriate response. At the time I was a man of modest means and you deliberately took from me my most precious treasure. A treasure I invested my heart and so

This dad was so bummed he couldn't hand over his daughter's virginity to another man.

3.

Since you have not raised a daughter, you cannot imagine the emotions and feelings that I have endured without relief since then. However, I will tell you that my wrath against you is so great that to kill you by prolonged and extreme tortur

So he threatened to violently murder her ex-boyfriend (although he's too Christian to go through with it, apparently).

Advertisement

4.

So, I have decided to petition the courts of heaven to take from you and give to me that which is your dearest possession your youth and all the good that goes with it. Specifically I demand divine restitution that will age you and

Instead he'll have to settle for casting a holy curse upon this lad. Right, makes sense...

6.

I do not have dying boomer bible lawyer's dorian gray revenge sympathetic magic demand letter on my mid-apocalypse bingo card

When other people heard about this craziness they took it and ran.

7.

This would be the only acceptable response.

8.

Seriously, how much time does this dad spend thinking about his daughter's virginity?

9.

No Facebook friends? Bro...

Advertisement

10.

This raises a good question about how Jesus' mom's virginity worked.

11.

12.

Getting owned by a local politician is never a good look.

13.

When the power of Christ compels you to whoop somebody.

Advertisement

14.

The only good advice here.

15.

16.

Advertisement

17.

She's got a point.

18.

Whole lotta nope.

9
23,500
Views
4
Comments
0
Favorites
Next

Next on eBaum's

No Articles Found
No Articles Found
Sorry, we were unable to load more articles
Congratulations! You've reached the end of the never-ending list.
{if(/video|article/i.test(wData.articleType);}
Menu search Account Home Video Gallery Article Contest Newest NEW Popular Forums Spicy Games Picture wiFunny Feels Creepy WTF! FTW! WOW! wiEww Facepalm Ouch Blog pinterest Contest Winner Contest Finalist facebook pinterest twitter whatsapp email user views user comments user favorites Next Article List View