30 Really Stupid Things People Overheard
1.
A girl in my high school said that of she and her hypothetical husband had undesirable face features that they didn’t want to pass on to a child (like a bumpy nose) one of them would just plastic surgery before conceiving a child. When I said that with her logic if both me and my partner chopped off our index fingers our child would be born without index fingers. She said that wasn’t the same thing. We were 17 at the time. I still think about that, 18 years later.
3.
Friend: "I've always wondered how goats grow into deer in the wild but stay goats at the farm.
4.
I had this friend I met for lunch once after not seeing her for a while. She said, "I never see you. I miss you." I told her that I've been working a lot and that I've worked 9 days straight. She goes, "HOW? THERE'S ONLY 7 DAYS IN A WEEK!"
5.
Substitute teacher told me the Moon is bigger than the Sun that's why it blocks the Sun during an eclipse.
6.
"How do dogs in China learn Chinese?" He was under the assumption that dogs just naturally spoke English.
8.
At KFC one woman was surprised to learn that Buffalo wings were made of chicken, she actually thought that Buffaloes had wings. Also, a couple of people thought that islands float.
9.
One of my college roommates wandered in while we were watching JAWS. It’s the final 15 minutes. The shark is tearing the Orca apart. It comes to the scene where the shark heaves itself up on the stern, and the roommate says, “It’s pretty neat how they trained that shark to do that.”
10.
A flight was delayed due to snow on the runway, a woman complained saying, “this this happens every year, why don’t they put a roof over the runway or something?”
11.
My wife's Grandmother was on her death bed in 2015, right around Christmas. I was scheduled to work that Christmas Eve... she took a turn for the worst that morning and I was told we'd all better get to the house quick. Tried to call my manager, no answer, left him a voicemail. I called the manager on duty and said I'm sorry it's just not happening today I have a family crisis. Duty manager said absolutely no problem. Called their manager too to ensure I covered all my bases. They both said take all the time you need. Was supposed to work the weekend after too. No problem, we'll get you covered. She died that Sunday. Get back to work Tuesday. My own manager comes to my desk, he's pissed at me. Why didn't I show up for work those days? I told him the situation, told him I'd called everyone to ensure I was covered. His response? "Well, you should have planned that better". This is the only time I've ever seen my cube mate, this mild mannered Iranian I'd worked with for years, get upset. He leapt out of his seat, grabbed my manager by his arm and dragged him to his office. Apparently the shouting match went on for some time, I was too busy sitting at my desk with my jaw on the floor processing what he just said. That manager was an a*****e. My coworker is one cool dude. I never got an apology, but I note he was fired for unrelated reasons a few months later so f**k him.
14.
I used to work as a paralegal and had to fight with Social Security when they accused my clients of fraud. Got on a call with an agent who insisted my client was faking the disability her daughter had. The daughter died of the disability and it says it on the death certificate. The agent told me it wasn't enough proof.
15.
That Darwin was half right and that black people evolved from monkeys but white people were the descendants of Adam and Eve. The same guy went on about what an idiot his heart doctor was because he was Indian. Yeah, that guy is dead from a heart attack now. Oh well.
16.
We have a rightwing politician here in Australia who shot to fame as an independent that pandered to the worst xenophobic instincts of conservative voters in her maiden speech to parliament. In an interview with 60 minutes she was asked what she thought about Euthanasia - a hot button topic at the time - and her response????? “I don’t mind as long as they stay there!”. To no one’s surprise it cemented her place amongst ill educated rightwing voters and allowed her to start her own political party.
17.
New girl at work. She was horrified that we eat the eggs that come from our chickens. She insisted store bought were normal good eggs. She then really blew my mind when she said she doesn't eat chicken, so she only buys "hens." She about had a panic attack when I explained hen is just lady chicken. Very sheltered.
18.
Met a nursing student who more or less believed the cure to cancer was "pretending like you don't have cancer."
19.
My friend once thought Aloe Vera was some European model who was hired for every cosmetic commercial because they would always say the product name and then “with aloe vera” as they showed models in the back dancing or washing their face or whatever. He thought she was one of them. I believe the direct quote was something to the effect of “it’s crazy how she gets hired for literally every single commercial”. This was in like 1995.
21.
Fellow student in a philosophy class. "Evolution doesn't make any sense. How could monkeys evolve into humans in 2000 years since creation?"
22.
A professor at Belmont once told me that cars could never run on electricity, because there are no electric components of a car. I wasn’t sure where to go from there.
23.
A girl in middle school thought that trees flapping created wind rather than the other way around.
24.
A flat Earther said Australia isn’t real , that it’s just made by the media to cover the fact the earth is flat.
25.
Grade 11 law class in high school, the teacher was talking about different bills the government implemented in history, like the bill of rights for example. 30 minutes into the lesson the girl next to me raises her hand and asks the teacher, “who’s this bill guy we’ve been talking about?” The whole class burst out laughing and the teacher was struggling to keep it together as well.
27.
The sky is blue because it’s reflecting the color of the ocean. There are many things wrong with that, starting with the fact that WE ARE IN KENTUCKY.
28.
That men have one less rib than women because, you know, God made Eve from Adams rib so, naturally, ALL men have one less rib. (Just typing this makes me feel stupid.)
29.
During a foreign language class, when learning the names of different countries... Someone stopped the lecture and asked why this language we were learning, made up names for different countries. Why can't we just use the real names like Germany, Japan etc. Total silence. Then 10 minutes of the entire class trying to get this person to understand that Germany is not the name of Germany in German. That all these country names they know are all English "made up" names for those countries. They did not comprehend. Confounds me to this date as this person was not from an English speaking country.
30.
'It's really weird how cows developed udders so humans could drink their milk. How did that evolution come about?'
31.
Coworker couldn’t figure out why Alaska was cold and Hawaii was hot because “they’re next to each other on the map.”
33.
A friend's boyfriend asked "What's roast beef made of anyway?" He was also a restaurant server. I told him "it's beef. Roasted." Cue surprised face, then he laughed at himself. He wasn't the brightest.
34.
SIL believed up to a very late age that meat was taken from an animal that was released back to the paddock to re-grow the missing piece. Then the cycle repeats.
35.
I had a friend that thought that a rat was the female of a mouse and vice versa. It took me an hour to explain they are different species.
37.
I was calling around grocery stores in Missouri looking for Tofurkey for Thanksgiving for a vegan girlfriend. I called one store, and the woman who answered the phone said, “Let me transfer you to the meat department.” Before I could object, I was talking to some guy in the meat department. I told him I wasn’t sure I was in the right department, but I was checking if they carried Tofurkey. He said, “Oh, I think I’ve heard of that! That’s like.... the vegetarian part of the turkey right?”
38.
I had a roommate that refused to believe that the earth rotates once per day. He insisted it rotated 24,000 times a day, and it was just so fast you couldn't see it. I thought maybe he got confused with 24,000 miles per day (like maybe how fast a point at the equator would rotate around the earth per day). But no. He said it was like when something is spinning so fast it's like a blur and you can't see the spinning anymore. 24,000 complete rotations per day.
39.
My mom at an A&A / Long John Silver combo restaurant. "What's the difference between #2 on this menu and #2 on the other one?" Me, "Ones fish, the other is chicken." Her, "I know but what's the difference?"
40.
'women who have small breasts, it is because they have little milk to breastfeed, on the other hand women with large breasts store more milk than small ones'
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