30 Neckbeard Things Full Of Cringe

Nathan Johnson Published 08/14/2021

The North American Neckbeard is a large primate native to parental basements, anime conventions, and regions of involuntary celibacy. They are the most immediately depressing land mammal known, capable of remaining sedentary for months and years on end and feature numerous physical adaptations for long periods of motionlessness.

Once sufficiently stocked with adequate food stores, the North American Neckbeard is the only known animal that has been observed hibernating for effectively its entire adult life.

Neckbeards exude a pungent odor that has been theorized as a means of defending themselves against social situations and opportunities Neckbeards may find challenging. The North American Neckbeard is the only animal species composed entirely of males. These creatures thrive in low light conditions, with musky air, and love high-calorie low nutrient foods. If you spot one in the wild, do not approach it as it may be dangerous, or worse contagious. Call your local game and wildlife office for questions or concerns.

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