Funny

30 Disturbing Things House Guests Did

A house guest is like a lottery ticket. Sometimes you win big and you get the kind of person who knows how to pick up after themselves and does their best to erase any evidence of their presence as soon as they were gone. Our friend Joe would even go so far as to carry gloves, bleach, and tarp with him wherever he went, roaming from town to town. He's in jail now.
1. Had a former friend visit me from overseas and literally disappear overnight to go and f**k some guy she'd been talking to online...leaving me to field a call from her husband, who wanted to know why his wife wasn't answering her mobile.
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2. I threw a New Years party once. ONCE. Someone I invited brought a group of people who I knew, but didn’t exactly enjoy the company of. Sometime around 1am, I noticed that my keepsake urn necklace containing my brother’s ashes was missing. Then, I discover a couple of small lines of powder-like material in lines on my bathroom counter. The f**kers had tried to snort my brother and stole the necklace his remains were in. I was livid.
3. Gave my dog drugs because, and i quote "she looked sad so i thought some molly would cheer her up"... looking back though i tried to be patient at first, after hearing his attempts at defending himself my reaction was pretty harsh, and i do not regret a f**king thing i said or did. F**k that piece of s**t. He gave mdma to a f**king 3 pound chihuahua and almost killed the only reliably good thing in my life and the only thing that gave me any real sense of happiness and he couldn't understand why i was so angry and had the nerve to try and press charges on me.
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4. Wiped their a** on the white sink hand towel after taking a s**t. Had plenty of available toilet paper. Called them out for it, they denied it, so I never invited them over again.
5. A grown man in our house for the first and last time (college academic team gathering. This was not a family friend) marked his height on our children’s wooden growth chart…in permanent Sharpie marker.
6. Ate the dog's pellets. The bag was nearly full before she came and was half full when she left.
7. I recently had a grown-a** man snort a line of Parmesan cheese like it was cocaine. He was completely sober and this was totally unprompted.
8. I had some work people over for a dinner party at my house. We purposely shut off the lights leading upstairs to sort of let the guests know that the party is downstairs...i.e. there is nothing for you upstairs. Throughout the night I would see one of my coworkers taking out the dip from his lip with his index finger and scraping it into his solo cup. A bit later I went upstairs to check on my dog and hear some noises from the master bedroom. I walked in and saw the same dude using my toothbrush to get dip out from in between his teeth. He doesn't get invited to parties anymore.
9. Wasn't my house was a friends, we had been invited over to drink and stay the night. We sat in the garden talked and drank and then one of our friends excused himself to the bathroom he was gone for about 20 minutes until another friend said he will go check on him. He came back down 5 minutes later laughing his a** off. The dude had gone upstairs and ran a bubble bath for himself, lit a few candles and even had a floating duck. The friend hosting was a cool guy and wasn't angry as we were all friends.
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10. Back when I was a freshman in university, I invited some of my mates to our place for dinner because mom wanted to meet the people I went to university with. When dinner was laid out, my mom was like, "go ahead, feel free to grab anything." Which obviously, she meant anything on the table or any of the food that was served. One of the guys who came over proceeded to go to our pantry door, open it, look around for a few seconds, and then went and took some of the canned items inside (think sausages, spam, etc.) It was the most unusual thing. I think my mom was also properly dumbfounded that she just didn't mention it. Guy didn't mention it either after he did so (he took around 3-4 cans).
11. He said he needed to look up something on internet so i lended him my laptop. He then proceeds to watch p**n on my couch while i am 6 ft away from him. I took the laptop back..
12. Friend of a friend was on mushrooms and decided to do some "amateur electrical work" during a party at my house. That's a direct quote btw, overheard by multiple people. If that statement terrifies you, that's because those are not words that should ever be in the same sentence let alone a sentence that amounts to a thing you are about to do at someone else's house. Ya so, not being an electrician I can't tell you exactly what he did or what he was trying to do, all I can tell you is that 800 dollars and 24 hours later the problem he created was solved by a professional. He wound up in the hospital and exited the party in an ambulance. lol, "amateur electrical work." He's fine and paid me back. All in all pretty good dude.
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13. Took the sample Mach 5 razor ( it was new and they had sent the whole neighborhood a full size sample) out of my mailbox, then shaved all his pubes with it and leave them in my shower drain, then proceeded to lie to my face about it as if the pubes magically appeared on the very same day everyone in the neighborhood got a new free razor in the mail except for me.
14. My uncle, aunt, and my mom travelled from another country to visit while I was in college, they stayed in my place. I had to leave for a class in the morning and left them in the house to chill. When I came back from my class, my uncle had shaved my shin-poo’s legs down thinking he did me a favor. My fluffy cute dog looked so ugly with naked legs. What’s worse? He somehow only shaved three and forgot the fourth leg.
15. An old neighbor got drunk at a poker game at my house. She then went into my bathroom, left the door open and peed on the bath mat. My friend walked in on it and the neighbor said it was because she couldn’t find the light switch. The hall light was on, which fully lit up this tiny bathroom.
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16. Threw a steak at a window.
17. A friend was drunk and drank water out of the cat bowl because he couldn't find any. The cat water bowl is right under the sink in the bathroom and where I live, water from the sink is drinkable and very good. We laugh about it now.
18. My friend treated my house like it was his own hotel room. I thought was coming to visit me and we'd coordinate for stuff to do, but it turns out he just wanted to save money on a place to sleep. He had his own plans and didn't tell me about any of them until he got to my place. And he even tried getting his other friends in the area to sleep at my place. I hadn't seen him in years, too. So I was disappointed that I planned my holiday weekend around my friend but he had other plans.
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19. It was me. I was visiting my brother and sis in law at their fancy new apartment and I took a smelly s**t. They had candles in there for just that sort of thing so I lit 2 and hung around while the scent worked its magic. Not sure how, but I didn't notice the black smoke coming from the candles was leaving black streaks on the walls. I blew out the candles and tried to clean the walls. TP didn't work, so I used their white fancy towels. It still didn't work but I ruined those towels trying. Eventually there was no escape but to fess up so I did and was mortified.
20. When I was an older teen, my little bro (young teen) had the worst friends. I walked in to the bathroom once, and two of his friends (both straight males) were shaving each other’s butts.
21. First college party. A girl drank one--one!--beer and started acting like she was sOoOo wasted. Got fully naked and sat on my papasan chair. One of the most embarrassingly attention-seeking people I've ever met lol.
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22. An (ex)gf and I had an apartment years ago. She was still in touch with an ex. The Ex and his gf wanted to come to the area and we invited him and his gf to stay with us for the weekend. We all hit it off at dinner, great conversation and laughs, and was a great Friday night. We had a spare bedroom and thats where the two of them slept. FYI: We used this spare room also to store a few things, and to put our dirty clothes in hampers. I got up in the middle of the night to the both of them snacking in the kitchen. No biggie, I do it too and I told them to make themselves at home. Well, after chatting and having some chips/dip I caught on to what they both were wearing. Our clothes. Um what? Now I know that people sometimes offer up clothes like pjs/misc clothing to a guest that isnt prepared but they brought bags with them. What in the heck was in their bags that they needed to wear our clothes? Worse part was the shorts and tshirts that they both had on were dirty and visibly so. I told them we had clean clothes and offered that up but they said they were fine. They ended up leaving the next morning. But who stays at someone's place and wears their dirty clothes? Wtf? Yeah, we laughed about it after they left but I couldnt help but be creeped out.
23. Give people free tattoos. No he doesn't do tattoos, the kit was from Amazon.
24. I used to have a friend who would always come over to take a shower. When I asked him about it, he told me he preferred my bathroom over his.
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25. I have this friend who told me she smelled my shampoo when she went in the bathroom. Apparently she does this to every house she visits, she smells their shampoo and body wash.
26. I was the guest in this case. I was maybe 8 at the time and I was sleeping over at a friends house. I wake up to find I have wet the bed. Super embarrassing. I try to find spare clothes and cannot find anything no matter where I look. I cannot keep wearing my pjs because they are footed pjs. Because it's in the middle of the night, I run upstairs (naked) to try to find literally anything that could cover me. A blanket, anything. I have no luck. SOMEHOW, someone is awake at 2 am, and they are looking for me. I figure out it's my friend's mom. She comes around the corner to see me huddled down on the floor looking like gollum from lord of the rings with only a tiny pillow to hid my shame. They gave me some clothes and I want to say that was the last time I ever slept at their house again.
27. Licked the door of my snacks closet. The door. Not the snacks.
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28. He took off ALL of his clothes when I pointed him towards the sofa and said, “Make yourself comfortable.” He’d always been a bit of a joker but that was, perhaps, going a bit too far.
29. We went on holiday, hired local old lady cat sitter to mind the cats for the 10 days we were away. Nothing unusual with the cats care, we have plenty of extra food and water bowls, bags of litter, litter bags and scoop all left out. We get back, cats are good, house is fine, but next to the litter tray is the spaghetti scoop, you know that weird kitchen implement you never actually use - that's what she had been using to scoop their poop for the time we were away, the actual scoop which was right there, was unused.
30. I was a kid and invited another kid to my house (
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