The 30 Best F**k You Moments From History

1.

When Otto von Bismarck was about 50, he was walking down a street when a man ran up to him and shot him five times. Otto then turned around and began to beat the absolute s**t out of him until some armed guards come to help him. When they inspected Otto for wounds, they found that all 5 hit, but they all either just grazed him or bounced off his ribs. Literally the iron chancellor.

2.

The story of Khutulun, who was Genghis Khan's great-great-granddaughter. She said she would marry whomever could beat her in a wrestling contest. If she won though, they had to give her 100 horses. She died unmarried, with 10,000 horses.

3.

How about the moment slaves in Haiti realized they outnumbered their captors almost 10 to 1, revolted, and ultimately won their independence.

4.

In the 1970s the small town of Vulcan, West Virginia asked for state funding to replace a bridge into town. The state legislature refused to grant Vulcan the funding they needed. Instead the town appealed to the Soviet Union for aid. After hearing about the request, the state legislature immediately granted over $1 million for the town to build a new bridge. If a small town in WV asking for soviet funding in the middle of the Cold War isn’t a big middle finger to the state government, then I don’t know what is.

5.

Galvarino: Chilean warrior who had both his hands cut off by the conquistadors for raising arms against the Spanish. Instead of letting himself serve as a message of helplessness in the face of the invaders the crazy bastard strapped swords to his stumps and went on the warpath.

6.

Olga of Kiev. When her husband died, the country that killed him assumed they’d just take over and force her into marriage. She straight up killed the dignitaries that were sent to tell her she had to marry - multiple times, in the most intense way possible. She then travelled to where her husband had been killed and basically burnt the place to the ground - again, in the most hardcore, amazing way. They made her a freaking saint. Worth the read on Wikipedia!

7.

Ferruccio Lamborghini was a rich man owning his company that built tractors, he talked to Ferrari about the imperfections of his car and how to improve them and they basically laughed at a young tractor mechanic trying to tell them about sport cars, so he decided to start making luxury sport cars to compete with Ferrari and thus, the rivalry was born. So i'd say the middle finger of this guy to Ferrari was pretty noticeable.

8.

The first cell phone. The first call ever made from a cell phone was to a competitor's landline. Big d**k energy

9.

The Achaemenid Empire had trouble conquering Egypt in the early part of their War so they decided to use the very embodiment of their holy figure against them. They literally had soldiers carry cats with them and painted cat heads on their shields so the Egyptians couldn't fight back due to their beliefs and surrendered. They literally pulled a "your god is our frontline". This is known as the Battle of Pelusium.

10.

So when France exiles Napoleon Bonaparte (the first time), they didn’t think to change out military personnel. So he basically rolls up to the first French outpost he gets to, says “‘sup” and begins reassembling an army. By the time he gets to Paris, he’s got enough forces that France is like “well. Welcome back.”

11.

When Henry VIII wanted to annul his marriage to Catherine of Aragon the Pope said you can't do that. Henry then created the Church of England so he could get divorced.

12.

This is more petty, but when Taft bragged to his friends via telegram about scaling a mountain on horseback, that it was a few thousand feet, clear weather, all in all not too difficult, his friend replied, "HOW IS HORSE?"

13.

The second defenestration of Prague. The Holy Roman Emperor and King of Bohemia sends representatives to the Protestant city of Prague telling them to convert to Catholicism. The representatives get thrown out a window and allegedly landed in a pile of manure

14.

My personal favorite is when Chairman Mao made Nikita Kruschev have a meeting in a pool because he knew he couldn’t swim.

15.

British prisoner of war in Nazi Germany stitches a quilt. The Nazis put it out for show. Hidden in Morse code stitched in were the words “f**k Hitler” and “god save the Queen”

16.

When Robert E. Lee decided to side with the South in the Civil War, to spite him the North used his property as a graveyard. It is now Arlington National Cemetery.

17.

Not the biggest, but definitely one to note. In 1966, Charles DeGaulle ordered all U.S. Troops out of France, as he said the country was leaving NATO, LBJ's first words were to his Secretary of State, Dean Rusk, "Ask him about the cemeteries, Dean!" When Dean Rusk mentioned whether or not the 60,000+ US soldiers buried in France were to be removed, DeGaulle simply stood up and left the room, embarrassed.

18.

Caesar in his youth, before he became famous, was captured by pirates off the coast of Italy and held hostage. He promptly befriended the pirates, getting drunk and shared stories while they waited for the ransom to be paid. Later, after he was released, he went back to find and capture the same pirates, and ordered their deaths because they requested an insultingly low ransom for a man of his stature.

19.

In the late 1980s Nintendo and Sony developed a CD add-on for the Super Nintendo. Nintendo then pulled out of the partnership and opted to work with Phillips instead and released the CD-i. This move was highly frowned upon because Nintendo had decided to ditch a fellow Japanese company over a foreign one. So Sony picked up the pieces of the project and tried to partner with Sega. The board of directors turned the idea down saying "that’s a stupid idea, Sony doesn’t know how to make hardware. They don’t know how to make software either. Why would we want to do this?" At the end Sony released a game system by the name of Playstation in 1994 to compete with the Nintendo 64 and outsold their former partners nearly 3:1 plus it marked the first time that Nintendo wasn't top dog since they released the NES.

20.

Sparta to Phillip II Phillip todo Sparta that if he marches into Sparta he will raise the land, burn the crops, rape the women, and just destroy the city. Sparta replies back with a single word. “If”

21.

Genghis Khan to Shah Ala ad-Din. After the Kwarezmids plundered one of Genghis Khans caravans, killed his people, and took his s**t, he thought to take the diplomatic approach and send 2 envoys and an interpreter. Shah Ala ad-Din decided to be a dumba** about it. He shaved the heads of the envoys to shame them and sent them back with the head of the interpreter. Mr. Khan was kinda pissed, so he marched 200000 of his boys and f*****g annihilated their town with only 1/4 of that number even able to fight back. He was so pissed at the Shah that he had the rivers keeping the surrounding villages alive fully diverted, so that he would literally wipe Ala ad-Dins birthplace off the map and make it so that it was like he never existed. No one would settle there or live there ever again. No one would be there to remember his enemy who had disrespected him. "Not even the dogs or cats" would be spared said Genghis Khan.

22.

During the conquest of Constantinapol (now Istanbul), when Sultan Mehmet had his ships carried on oily stakes by thousands of men to get past the big chain that prevents ships to enter Bosphorus.

23.

On 30th September 1938, a treaty called the Munich agreement was signed, causing Germany's annexation of Sudetenland (a region of western Czechoslovakia, where many German people lived). It was signed by leaders of the UK, France, Italy, and Germany. UK and France signed it, because Hitler promised, that he won't go to war if he got the Sudetenland (we all know how that turned out). But that's not all. The biggest "f**k you" to Czechoslovakia was, that they weren't invited to the meeting. Yes, they weren't invited to the meeting about their own region. Also, France was an ally of Czechoslovakia at the time. So yeah, thanks for supporting France.

24.

In 1941 the US requested Panama grant a 999-year-long lease to build over 100 military bases within their country, the Panama government asked for compensation in return which the US felt was too high. The US responded by overthrowing their government by orchestrating a coup. They then signed an agreement with the new one.

25.

I would say the moment that Rollo swore allegiance to the French king: "the bishops present suggested that Rollo kiss the king’s foot, as a sign of submission. It was probably an idea intended to humiliate Rollo, and was not taken very well. After some discussion, it was agreed that one of Rollo’s men would do it. However, the person chosen lifted the king’s foot, and, without bending down, brought it up to his mouth. Not surprisingly the king fell over, amid general laughter in the court. Following this amusing scene, the king and his men swore to honour the concession to Rollo."

26.

French surrender in WW2: "Hitler dictates that the French capitulation take place at Compiegne, a forest north of Paris. This is the same spot where twenty-two years earlier the Germans had signed the Armistice ending World War I. Hitler intends to disgrace the French and avenge the German defeat. To further deepen the humiliation, he orders that the signing ceremony take place in the same railroad car that hosted the earlier surrender. The Armistice is signed on June 22. Under its terms, two thirds of France is to be occupied by the Germans. The French army is to be disbanded. In addition, France must bear the cost of the German invasion."

27.

This is like the opposite of what you’re asking for because it could have been a big f**k you but it went another way. Abraham Lincoln, while still a largely unknown frontier lawyer, was asked to assist in a law case by some big wigs out in the east because the trial was going to be held in Springfield and they wanted a local lawyer on the team. Well the location of the trial got moved but the big wig lawyers never told Lincoln they didn’t need him anymore. He worked really hard on some arguments and showed up to the trial which was now in Ohio or something. The big wig lawyers were pretty rude to him when he showed up and didn’t use any of his arguments and didn’t allow him to participate. They did eventually send him a check for payment but Abe sent it back. They did send it back writing enough to get Abe to deposit the check. When Abe became president he eventually asked the head lawyer of the big wigs in this case (Edwin Stanton) to be his secretary of War. Edwin Stanton grew to truly love Abraham Lincoln and was a very effective Secretary of War. Abe could have remembered the snub from earlier in his career and refused to have anything to do with Stanton but Abe was never truly offended and saw Stanton as a good person to have in his cabinet.

28.

Not a historian, but this is one of my favorites: "On Dec. 22, four German couriers approached American lines under a flag of truce, carrying a message "from the German commander to the American commander." Asserting that Bastogne was "encircled," the note gave McAuliffe, who was acting commander of the 101st in the absence of Maj. Gen. Maxwell Taylor, two hours to surrender or face "total annihilation." It offered "the privileges of the Geneva Convention" to the would-be POWs. What came next would be one of World War II's seminal moments. To the German commander. **"Nuts!"** From the American commander.

29.

The construction and use of the Warwolf, supposedly the largest trebuchet ever built. When it was disassembled it would fill up 30 wagons. So anyways, king Edward the first built this to siege a Scottish castle. But before it was even built the Scottish people tried to surrender. To which Edward responded with a prompt no(in actuality he responded with “You do not deserve any grace, but must surrender to my will” in other words, I built this trebuchet over 40 days and I am most definitely going to use it) and proceeded to use the trebuchet anyways.