25 Things People Wished They Knew About the Opposite Gender Earlier in Life

1.

Men may miss the affection from childhood. Like a simple hug, kiss on top of the head, or pats on the back or shoulder. Also to hear that someone cares and loves them.

2.

Men are just as nervous about hitting on you as you are about hitting on them… so don’t always expect the guy to make the first move. If you like him, tell him

3.

You don't always need to solve a problem that is presented. Sometimes you just need to listen and consider the emotional impact. Sometimes it's just about talking through something, not fixing something. Ask before automatically going into solve mode. I'm not sure if this is just me (as a heterosexual male), or whether this line of thinking is common in other men. It happens with my male friends quite a bit also. The worst is when you say, "well that's easy to fix, why don't you just..."

4.

I spent a lot of time avoiding conventionally attractive guys, or even guys just generally more conventional, and going for ones who looked and acted more off-beat. After years of this, I learned that being or looking weird doesn't necessarily make a guy down-to-earth, empathic, humble, or deep; and being good-looking or more conventional doesn't mean they will be arrogant, entitled, shallow, or bland.

5.

I had multiple circumstances in college where I was accused of being a tease, and kicked out of guys’ houses or left on the side of the road after I refused sex. Turns out I have autism and "can I come up to your dorm to watch Netflix" was code for "let’s have sex" and they didn’t actually wanna watch Netflix.

6.

There is no secret code to making a girl like you. No amount of niceness or favors is going to get a girl to OR OBLIGATE a girl to move you from the friend bucket to the boyfriend bucket if she's already written you off. So don't let yourself be used or kept in their backup plan back pocket.

7.

That kindness, originality, and effortless comfort in one’s skin are the biggest turn-ons for women, and macho bravado is not.

8.

That straight men want emotional connection and a partner as much as women, in some ways more because they don't have much access to have that type of relationship outside of a romantic one. Straight guys aren't constitutionally commitment-phobic, they are just like everyone else who can want to date someone for a while without wanting something more serious.

9.

Men who claim to be advocates for women can be some of the biggest sexist assholes dealing with women one-on-one. I do not find that the amount of lip servicemen give to women advocacy, particularly at work, correlates with how sexist someone is or isn't.

10.

Men are not always up for sex at the drop of a hat. Sometimes you need to work them up. I always assumed they were just raring to go all the time and I got sad and rejected and took it personally if they weren't in the mood. Men are people too and it needs to be taught more.

11.

That they don’t like when you generalize about their gender.

12.

That men and women communicate differently! It took me so long to realize that. For example, I’d be kind of upset when I’d ask a guy “how was your day?” And he’d say “ it was fine” and not offer more. I thought it meant he didn’t want to talk and that I should stop asking. But guys (not all guys, I’m making more of a general statement here) genuinely just want you to know their day was fine. If something happened that was significant, they’d tell you. It’s not a personal attack on you that they didn’t offer more information, it wasn’t that they were trying to hide something or anything. Their day was just fine, nothing significant happened. They appreciate that you cared to ask, and the way they express that appreciation is to respond. It just took me a long time to realize that guys see “fine” as a good answer; that it wasn’t meant to be malicious or push girls out of their personal life. That being said, though, communication is key, ladies! If you want to hear something specific, if you’re not satisfied with a “fine”, let him know you’d like to hear something that happened to him. Ask him what the best part was, or something funny that happened. Again, I’m making more of a general statement here, sometimes when someone gives you a one-word response, it’s because they truly don’t want to talk to you. But I’m saying just in general, the average guy doesn’t mean to be malicious or rude when they say “it was fine”.

13.

When it comes to romantic stuff: asking things straight up."Can I kiss you ?" I got rejected multiple times using that, but the girls LOVED IT and praised me for it. Some are still very good friends with me, and they feel safe around me (which is sadly more uncommon than we think) thanks to that. (and the fact that I'm not a creep who's gonna try something, if you think it's a "how to lower her guard" tips, you can go to hell) "What do you like ?" when having sex for the first time. I was praised for it too. So, really simple things they really like, thus improving the relationships (romantic or not) and trust!

14.

That majority of men enjoy when the woman is confident and can take on a dominant charge, in a sexual manner. Obviously not all, but my experiences, most.

15.

That men are just as capable of deep emotional intelligence and performing emotional labor as women are, but often society sends them a message that they don't have the ability to do that. In reality, emotional labor is a learned skill.

16.

Don’t put women on a pedestal. If you like someone, just pursue them for a month or two, then move on. Don’t be a jerk about rejection. Remain, friends. You are likely going to remember each other twenty years later so make sure it’s a funny or interesting memory. Also, don’t stick around someone who just likes attention. You’re not a poodle.

17.

How much confidence attracts women. I just bullsh*tted confidence at first and it worked so good now I am actually confident

18.

In my experience, women don’t care whether you do things perfectly, they just care that you made a thoughtful effort.

19.

Their penises float when they lay in a bathtub. Do I wish I knew that earlier in life? I mean I guess not, but it was news to me.

20.

That boobs are heavy as f*ck

21.

How every woman is different and there is no "works every time" method for having great sex. The *only* solid advice is to listen and react.

22.

Men are just as insecure as we are.

23.

They are just as screwed up as we are.

24.

Clitoral stimulation is where it’s at. That being said, it should not be treated like the firing button on a Galaga arcade game, respectively.

25.

That women are human too. For so long I was scared to approach a woman as a friend because I had an unhealthy expectation that they wouldn't like what I (a guy) like. People are people.