21 Wondrous Thoughts for Wallowing in the Hot Shower Water

1. "The asteroid that ended the dinosaurs was technically the highest ratio of killing birds to one stone in Earth's history."

2. "As an identical triplet, you are simultaneously one of the rarest and most common people on the planet."

3. "Accidentally liking someone's post while snooping through their profile is the digital equivalent of stepping on a twig while sneaking through the forest."

4. "Kids will never understand the poignant self-satisfaction of slamming a phone down on the cradle to hang up on someone and end an angry conversation."

5. "When you walk into a 7-eleven you wouldn’t think it’s an 18 billion-dollar company."

6. "If 24-hour clocks started at 23:59 and counted down till 00:01, people might try getting more done."

7. "Biscuits and gravy are weird because it’s like 'Here’s some really wet flour poured over some really dry flour.'"

8. "The posted speed limit is the legally accepted maximum limit, but the socially accepted minimum limit."

9. "Most people aren't scared of being alone in the dark — they're scared of not being alone in the dark."

10. "An everything bagel is proof that you can seemingly have it all and still have a hole inside you."

11. "If heaven exists it’s probably going back and doing your life over, but fixing all your mistakes."

12. "Humans are afraid of being bitten by spiders even though they have more teeth. Spiders are afraid of being stepped on by humans even though they have more legs."

13. "4 a.m. is the hour where you’re either up really late or really early."

14. "There’s a good chance that your calculator history is more embarrassing than your browser history."

15. "Finding an eggshell in an Egg McMuffin is both annoying and reassuring."

16. "If you're still pretty young, chances are you still haven't met the majority of people who will attend your funeral."

17. "Jello isn’t technically boneless."

18. "Extra fries in your bag is going to become a thing of the past once fast-food workers are 100% replaced by robots."

19. "In the Cars universe, a movie about humans would probably be a horror movie. Slender creatures made out of flesh and bone riding the lifeless carcasses of cars for their convenience."

20. "If Apple had kept its 1976 logo, it wouldn't have to change its logo during pride month."

21. "A successful marriage ends with watching the other person die."