When Certainty Meets Absurdity: 20 Hilarious Statements From Oblivious People
We all have that one friend who says the stupidest things. Over at r/AskReddit are some hilarious stories of people saying dumb stuff and believing they're right. You can't help but facepalm and walk away, because there is no arguing with them.
1.
My ex-husband was a horrible driver. Wrecked everything he ever owned and then some, but he somehow thought he was an excellent driver. We were riding through a town with a 4-lane main road. He started to change lanes oblivious to the car that was located exactly where he was headed. I told him to stay in his lane, and fortunately, he did. He said, 100% seriously, that if he'd changed lanes and crashed into the car that was already there, it would have been their fault because they didn't honk their horn to warn him. u/sirdigbykittencaesar
2.
My brother, against all laws of known physics, is absolutely certain that if he was ever in a tsunami he could just "swim under it". We've both been in the ocean plenty of times, surfed a bit, and have definitely had our share of waves knock us off, but he's still certain he could do it if he got the timing right. u/Magic_Man_Boobs
3.
A guy was hitting on me at a bar once when I was single in my 20’s & he told me he’s really good in bed and loves sucking on a woman’s clip. A CLIP! …. I immediately walked away. God help him. u/pinkseamonkeyballs
4.
The Caribbean coast is off the coast of England because they have British accents in Pirates of The Caribbean. This man was in the military and had no knowledge of geography. u/Aware_Statment_205
5.
My co-worker. We were all having a conversation. I don't remember what we were talking about, but I said something to the extent of "Crazy, it's like someone thinking the earth is flat." His response was "well, it is." My other co-worker and I looked at each other confused. Flat-Earth co-worker continues explaining why the earth is flat. He was saying it like he was stating facts. We're engineers for crying out loud. You paid too much money for your glasses, and degree to see things this way! u/Boyblack
6.
My cousin was not the sharpest tool in the shed, he was convinced he could have an unprotected affair with any women as his current girlfriend was pregnant so there was no risk he could get another girl pregnant. u/joeyboii23
7.
Putting in a roundabout was stupid because now they had to stop 4 times instead of 1 if they had just left it a 4-way-stop. u/SaraSmashley
8.
A nurse I used to work with asked why we can't drive to Hawaii. She was absolutely serious and I wasn't surprised when she didn't last beyond her training period. u/veritaserum25
9.
This weekend my 75 year old neighbor told me with absolute certainty that women are allowed to get an abortion up to two weeks after the baby is born. u/cassiecas88
10.
I overheard a guy talking to someone at the bus but sadly i could not hear it all: "The government is secretly burying peoples corpses to prevent earthquakes (...?)! u/FruityPresident
11.
She was very serious that a useable hand-held shower head without a hose, because the hose was “ugly”. Asked if she meant an overhead or a wall-mounted shower head because those didn’t require a hose. Nope. She wanted the water to flow from the wall into a handheld shower head without a hose. I tried to tell her that wasn’t possible and ended up sending her to a different home improvement store. u/Lone_Ronin_
12.
I knew an American guy who claimed that bears were not dangerous to humans. He claimed that if you were ever attacked by a bear all you would need to do is stick your thumb up its rear end and it would immediately fall asleep. Yeah I can just see an angry bear stop attacking you the minute you tell it to "Bend over." u/ElvishMystical
14.
"Did you know that slipknot wear masks because they're wanted criminals". Now imagine me wasting 15 minutes of my life trying to explain that if they were wanted criminals, they'd just arrest them on stage. u/Ramiren
15.
"The titanic was fake. The ship can not be in the Pacific Ocean" said my science tutor.. u/midnight-king18
16.
I have a buddy who will claim to be an expert in military strategy and tactics, who at the same time claims studying history is pointless. He never served in any capacity. u/EveRommel
17.
I heard one customer tell another that Joe Biden was really Jim Carey and it was all a ruse lol. u/coreysgal
18.
Nurse at our elementary school mistook allergies for pink eye. When I said that it cleared with eye drops she told me allergies are contagious too. u/moseiesley99
19.
"Trump is the most Christian President ever". I was flabbergasted at that statement, couldn't reply and just never talked to the person again. u/Curiousrousity
20.
Recently I went to a market and a woman was selling incense that protected against 5G and and WiFi signals. u/drmtz
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