20 Most Profound Thoughts...

1. Instead of all the prequel and sequel movies coming out, they should start making “equels” - films shot in the same time period as the original film, but from an entirely different perspective.

2. Now that cellphones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again.

3. Last night my friend asked to use a USB port to charge his cigarette, but I was using it to charge my book. The future is stupid.

4. The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf.

5. The person who would proof read Hitler's speeches was literally a grammar Nazi.

6. Waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay sounds super rad if you don’t know what either of those things are.

7. Since smart watches can now read your pulse, there should be a feature that erases your browser history if your heart stops beating. That way when you die, nobody has to know what you've been looking at.

8. I have never once hit the space bar while watching a YouTube video with the intention of scrolling halfway down the page

9. Senior citizen discounts should just round dollar amounts down so we don't have to wait in line behind them while they dig for change.

10. We should have a holiday called Space Day, where lights are to be shut off for at least an hour at night to reduce light pollution, so we can see the galaxy.

11. In the future, imagine how many Go-Pros will be found in snow mountains containing the last moments of people's lives.

12. "Go to bed, you'll feel better in the morning" is the human version of "Did you turn it off and turn it back on again?"

13. When Sweden is playing Denmark, it is SWE-DEN. The remaining letters, not used, is DEN-MARK.

14. Maybe 'Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?' isn't a show that displays how stupid grown adults can be, but rather, a show that depicts how much useless information we teach grade schoolers that won't be retained or applicable later in life.

15. I used hola unblocker to watch Argo on the Canadian Netflix. I was an American who had to pretend to be Canadian to watch a movie about Americans who have to pretend to be Canadians making a movie.

16. Websites should post their password requirements on their login pages so I can remember WTF I needed to do to my normal password to make it work on their site.

17. April Fools Day is the one day of the year that people critically evaluate news articles before accepting them as true.

18. X88B88 looks like the word "voodoo" reflecting off of itself

19. The sinking of the Titanic must have been a miracle to the lobsters in the kitchen.

20. Your shadow is a confirmation that light has traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet thanks to you.