20 Original Insults to Use on Your Friends and Enemies Alike

1.

Anyone who ever loved you was wrong.

2.

Straight from Shakespeare “I wish we could become better strangers.”

3.

As an outsider, what is your perspective on intelligence?

4.

You’re impossible to underestimate.

5.

I had a teacher tell some kid “Nothing you have to say is of any consequence…to anyone.” He was an odd teacher who kinda talked like that, but it was his version of savage. The room lost its shit in unison.

6.

The bar was on the ground and you grabbed a shovel.

7.

A favorite I read somewhere, “I envy those who have yet to meet you.“

8.

“I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.”

9.

You sound like a pizza cutter — all edge and no point.

10.

“I’d insult you, but I’m afraid you won’t notice it.”

11.

“If you were the prize at the end of my race, I would walk backwards.” -Judge Judy

12.

"You are so mercifully free from the ravages of intelligence." — Time Bandits

13.

Someone once called me “weapons grade stupid."

14.

“Here’s a name for you ladies, but it isn’t used in high society… outside of a kennel.” Gotta love Joan Crawford’s delivery of that line.

15.

“Just how closely related *were* your parents?”

16.

You remind me of someone I would like to forget.

17.

To think you were the fastest sperm.

18.

There’s a tree somewhere in the Amazon jungle with sole purpose of producing oxygen you breathe. You should go find that tree and apologize.

19.

“Beauty fades, dumb is forever.”

20.

Stop playing hard to get when you’re hard to want.