16 Spicy Historical Facts They Didn't Teach In School

1.

The dresses and corsets worn by women in the court of King Louis XIV were so cumbersome and difficult to get out of that women would often take a dump in the hallways of the Versailles palace during grand balls. The morning after the corners of hallway in the palace would have piles of shit stacked up that the servants would have to clean up.

2.

The Mayans weren’t very good at making alcohol, it tasted bad so they would give themselves enemas of it so they wouldn’t have to drink it. They also used mixtures of psychoactive plants.

3.

When Edgar Allan Poe was 27, he married his 13 year old cousin. He did it in order to save her and her mother from the poor house. Some guy Rufus Wilmot Griswold who really hated Poe managed to get access to Poe’s whole estate after his death and rewrote his history so he would be viewed as this alcoholic, druggie, pedophile.

4.

Pharaohs were expected to masturbate into the river Nile as part of a fertility festival. Crowds would gather to watch, and promptly join in once the Pharaoh had finished. Masturbating into the Nile was supposed to bring new bounties and success to the Pharaoh. An act of self creation by reenacting the Egyptian god Atum’s pleasuring act upon himself to bring about the universe.

5.

Former president Lyndon B. Johnson was so fond of his presidential penis that he would often wave it around in public. It was a way to establish a kind of macho dominance over the people he was speaking to. And, more importantly, it let him show off his penis. While standing at the urinal, he would sometimes swing around to continue the conversation he was having, his genitals hanging free. Once he even pointed it out to a lawmaker standing next to him and asked, “You ever seen anything this big?” Johnson then continued speaking about some upcoming legislation as he swung his penis around in his hand. Johnson was famously proud of his penis, affectionately nicknaming it “Jumbo.” And he often found ways to work it into a conversation. After his term in office was over, a tape surfaced of Johnson speaking to a tailor where he brought up the fact that his pants didn’t leave enough room for his genitals. “The crotch, where the nuts hang, is too tight,” he complained. “It’s just like riding a wire fence. See if you can’t leave me an inch from where the zipper ends, round under my back to my bunghole, so I can let it out there if I need to.“

6.

In early Japan, High class Japanese often had boys/men on the side they would use for pleasure. It wasn’t seen as gay or wrong because that concept hadn’t been imported from the west yet. They were considered a mistress and were usually well taken care of.

7.

The Corps of Discovery(Lewis and Clark Expedition) only ate meat and had incredible constipation. One day they all ate pills they named “Thunder Clappers” which made them shit out everything immediately. BUT the pills had a bit of metal (mercury) in them, so if you go out on the same as the same trail as the Corps of Discovery with a metal detector, you can find the exact place Lewis, Clark and the rest of the corps took the biggest shits of their lives.

8.

Boston Corbett, the man that killed John Wilkes Booth, castrated himself with a pair of scissors On July 16, 1858, Corbett was propositioned by two prostitutes while walking home from a church meeting. He was deeply disturbed by the encounter. Upon returning to his room at a boardinghouse, Corbett began reading chapters 18 and 19 in the Gospel of Matthew (“And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out and cast it from thee….and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake”). In order to avoid sexual temptation and remain holy, he castrated himself with a pair of scissors. He then ate a meal and went to a prayer meeting before seeking medical treatment.

9.

Thomas Granger was the first juvenile to be executed in what would become the USA. He was convicted of “buggery with a mare, a cow, two goats, several sheep, two calves, and a turkey”, and hung in September, 1642

10.

Columbus in later yearsran a sex slave business from the New World. He remarked in a letter to a friend that nine-year-old girls were a particularly hot item with the nobility of Europe. He even gave girls out to his officers as rewards. Here is what one wrote about it: While I was in the boat I captured a very beautiful Carib woman, whom the said Lord Admiral [Columbus] gave to me, and with whom, having taken her into my cabin, she being naked according to their custom, I conceived desire to take pleasure. I wanted to put my desire into execution but she did not want it and treated me with her finger nails in such a manner that I wished I had never begun. But seeing that (to tell you the end of it all), I took a rope and thrashed her well, for which she raised such unheard of screams that you would not have believed your ears. Finally we came to an agreement in such manner that I can tell you that she seemed to have been brought up in a school of whores…

11.

John F. Kennedy was dating Miss Denmark, Inga Arvad, in the 1940’s, and when they stayed at Sumter House in Charleston the FBI bugged their room because they thought she may be a Nazi spy. The reason the FBI thought she was a Nazi spy was that she was Adolf Hitler’s companion during the 1936 Summer Olympics. Turns out they didn’t hear a lot of conversation, but instead a lot of NSFW time. Tapes are in the Library of Congress for those interested.

12.

Benjamin Franklin published an essay entitled “Fart Proudly” – a tongue-in-cheek treatise promoting the health benefits of farting, and how to make farts smell better – in 1781 while he was the US Ambassador in France. The text of the essay’s introduction reads in part: I have perused your late mathematical Prize Question, proposed in lieu of one in Natural Philosophy, for the ensuing year…Permit me then humbly to propose one of that sort for your consideration, and through you, if you approve it, for the serious Enquiry of learned Physicians, Chemists, &c. of this enlightened Age. It is universally well known, that in digesting our common food, there is created or produced in the bowels of human creatures, a great quantity of wind. That the permitting this air to escape and mix with the atmosphere, is usually offensive to the company, from the fetid smell that accompanies it. That all well-bred people therefore, to avoid giving such offence, forcibly restrain the efforts of nature to discharge that wind.

13.

When Marie Antoinette was imprisoned by the French citizens, they took her kids. Then they had her oldest son raped by prostitutes so that he would contract their STDs. They then tried to use this as grounds to try her for abusing her children. The accusations went nowhere. So the poor kid was given a ton of venereal diseases for nothing.

14.

Anne Frank’s diary talked a lot about masturbation, but most of it was edited out. Here is an excerpt of such a part of the diary: Until I was eleven or twelve, I didn’t realize there was a second set of labia on the inside, since you couldn’t see them. What’s even funnier is that I thought urine came out of the clitoris…When you’re standing up, all you see from the front is hair. Between your legs there are two soft, cushiony things, also covered with hair, which press together when you’re standing, so you can’t see what’s inside. They separate when you sit down and they’re very red and quite fleshy on the inside. In the upper part, between the outer labia, there’s a fold of skin that, on second thought, looks like a kind of blister. That’s the clitoris.”

15.

Japan supplied women for US troops during its occupation. In Occupied Japan just after the treaty, the Japanese government rounded up Japanese women to service U.S. troops sexually. This was to prevent the presumed widespread rape of Japanese women. It was called the Recreation and Amusement Association and was shut down eventually (after a few months) by GHQ.

16.

In ancient Egypt when a beautiful woman died they would let her corpse rot for 3 days in the sun before sending the body to the embalmer. This was to discourage necrophilia.