20 Office Heroes Who Told Their Coworkers to Shove It
Working in an office can be tricky at times. Any time you have a group of different people, crammed into a small space, with different tasks and goals they need to get done, there are bound to be some awkward social situations.
Check out these people who share the stories of the very passive-aggressive ways they got their point across.
1.
When I quit my last job, I wrote a kind email to all my colleagues thanking them for their guidance and relationship, explaining how I enjoyed my time there. Around 60 people were on the email.
I did not put my abusive sociopath manager or enabling coldhearted director on the email. They found out, and I'm sure others noticed.
After nothing more than a cold response to my first quitting email to my group, all of a sudden my director wanted to make amends to save face now that I sent the wider email.
She asked me why I didn't add her to the email about enjoying working with people and liking my time there. I responded, "Because that wouldn't be honest."
Bridges burned there, but man those two ruined my life for a while.
2.
The Law office I used to work for would sign letters and emails with "very truly yours."
Which he chose specifically because he wouldn't thank them because he had to pull tooth and nail to get them to do anything, and he wouldn't do sincerely because "I'm not being sincere at all, I hate what these guys stand for."
Discovery requests were never fun with this guy.
4.
In a monthly team meeting of about 45 people a woman stood up and announced "I respectfully disagree with everything you just said". It was amazing. We still use it around the workplace as a joke.
5.
Me, a private in the army, working at a checkpoint in the middle East, to a colonel and several captains/ lieutenants:
me: sir you all need to step out of the vehicle so I can do my search.
lieutenant(driver): I have a distinguished visitor, let us through
Me: sir unless you have a memo you need to submit to a search
Colonel: I'm a God damn DV (distinguished visitor)! Let me in!
Me: do you have a memo (memos were sometimes approved which allowed vehicles to pass without searches)?
driver: I'm sure it's all taken care of
Me: I have not received a memo for you guys and you don't have one yourselves. Step out of the vehicle or turn around and leave. (IE get out or turn around assholes).
Sounds like not much but I'm at the absolute lowest end of the totem pole and this guy commands hundreds of soldiers.
6.
Coworker who is quiet, nice and a hard worker generally likes to be left alone and if pushed only ever engages in mild small talk. Have known him a long time.
New guy in the office comes in all spritely and full of beans and starts chatting with my quiet coworker. Things take a personal turn and the new guy asks him if he's married.
My coworker deadpan replies "my wife is dead". Conversation over instantly. I know for a fact his wife is very much alive.
7.
My ex-boss once sent an e-mail to her team signed "Kind retards".
I guess it could have been a typo, but still...
8.
When I quit my last job, I wrote a kind email to all my colleagues thanking them for their guidance and relationship, explaining how I enjoyed my time there. Around 60 people were on the email.
I did not put my abusive sociopath manager or enabling coldhearted director on the email. They found out, and I'm sure others noticed.
After nothing more than a cold response to my first quitting email to my group, all of a sudden my director wanted to make amends to save face now that I sent the wider email.
She asked me why I didn't add her to the email about enjoying working with people and liking my time there. I responded, "Because that wouldn't be honest."
Bridges burned there, but man those two ruined my life for a while.
9.
My family works in the textile industry.
Once, my dad worked at a company that had a vendor that made buttons for various types of clothes. They had not paid this vendor yet, but my Dads boss was still pressuring him to pressure the vendor to get something done (I don’t recall the specifics).
Well, the button vendor had taken enough shit, so he made a custom run of buttons and sent them back a shirt in which every button had “fuck you, pay me” custom engraved into it.
Professional etiquette? No, definitely not. Professional fuck you? Most definitely.
10.
Once heard a coworker bust out in a monotone voice, "Ma'am, I need you to know that I am not emotionally invested in this conversation. What do you need so we can both go on with our lives?" Really had to stifle my laughter in my cube next to her.
11.
Overheard my boss once say "Our policy is...(long pause while he loads up his phrasing, then clearly changes his mind and just says)...no."Literally thirty years ago and still gives me a chuckle
12.
I do IT helpdesk, we have a person in IT who is one of those people who just likes to hear herself talk and can go on for quite a while. One day I pick up the phone, and someone is asking for her. here's the interaction:
Me: IT this is Wyatt how can I help?
User: Hi, I was working with [person] earlier to try and fix my [some issue I can't remember]
Me: Oh yeah, give me one second I'll see if she's at her desk and I'll transfer you over.
User: Please don't.
just the tone in their voice as they said that made it clear that they really did not want to spend any more time on the phone with that person.
14.
I was in a meeting where we were planning out a huge client presentation and one of the guys who was there just went off on a complete diatribe of how he would go about adding some flair.
He was known for being a loudmouth, and after about 15 minutes of his plans, the team lead just literally put up his hand and waited for him to stop talking. He sat there for 30 seconds in silence and then moved on. No addressing anything that was just said.
15.
The fuck you lawyer letters that I have seen usually start with "Please be advised" and end with "govern yourself accordingly".
16.
During an exit interview..."Ya, I had a great 3 years here.""But, you worked here for 5 years..."
17.
"If that is your understanding of the current agreement, we need to revisit the language so that your expectation levels can be set more appropriately."
19.
I used to have a coworker who was a know it all who could actually back it up. We had a memory leak (for non-programmers: a very big issue) and he found it and was making the fix. He said something along the lines of "the leak is in line 247" and our boss goes nuts, and spends an hour ranting about how he wrote that code himself and there was no way the leak was there, and how dumb he was to think it was there.
Coworker lets him talk for an hour, then with the best poker face says "That's great but the leak is in line 247." Then demonstrates it in a minute.
20.
I am not contractually obligated to fulfill that request. It is also important to note that doing so would also be a violation of international trade laws.
21.
"I'm terribly sorry you feel that way. Please feel free to contact our complaints department."(To someone who wanted an appointment on a day when there were no appointments available, but insisted that she would come in on that day, at that time) "You're more than welcome to come in on that day, but I'm afraid there will be nobody available to see you. You'll have much better luck if we simply book an appointment for a different day."
22.
We have no plans to pursue the matter now or in the future. We ask that you refrain from further contact with us.
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