15 Crazy Secrets Overheard by Uber Drivers

1.

Lyft driver here. Had a guy talk about going down on a stripper while I was taking him and his buddies to a strip club.

2.

I picked up this young overly affectionate couple that spent the entire trip making out in my backseat and telling each other that they loved each other. Cute.So I drop off the couple and head on my way to pick up my text fare. I hear a cellphone ring in my backseat, realize it’s my previous ride’s, and pick up the phone to let them know I have it and I’ll come back to drop it off. Turns out it was the guys wife phoning to check in on him while he was on a business trip, which he was thoroughly enjoying with his mistress

3.

1. Two girls taking about how they f**ked the same guy. Both agreed his dick was too big and he was hurting them by lasting too long, both concluded he was gay.2. Two middle aged couples trying to agree to a foursome.

4.

Once I had an extremely drunk middle-age couple fight for an entire 30-minute ride. They attempted to bring me into their fight many times. I just pretended like I was deaf and didn’t answer when they tried to rope me into it.

5.

Took this 19 year old kids and what I assumed was his gf back to her house on pride weekend in SF. They made out the whole ride. When I dropped them off, only she got out. He said “Take me to Castro and 18th.” I said “Really?” and he said “Yeah, I only make out with girls when I’m rolling.” Never a dull moment in San Francisco.

6.

It wasn’t so much weird as it was random but my first night driving for Uber/Lyft I picked up a dude at 2:30 AM that was finishing up a pub crawl. The dude was dressed in a purple dinosaur onesie and was HAMMERED. He got in and started telling me his entire life story and how he came out to his parents and moved across the country the next day.

7.

I picked up this one guy who told me all about his anal warts. Apparently, they were simply huge.

8.

I picked someone up here in Memphis and took them to a shady apartment, they came out smelling like some really good kush, I asked them to go back in and get me some. Got payed, got weed, and got a new dealer out of it.

9.

Uber passenger here: had a driver tell me he was changing his name to Nilrem, because it was Merlin spelled backward and he was a wizard.

10.

I picked up a young girl in town to sleep with her sugar daddy via a website for older men and younger women. She said she makes $10k a weekend doing it.

11.

Not sure if it was a secret or not, but I picked up a guy that wanted me to wait while he ran into the store real quick. The adult store. He came out with a huge dildo.

12.

Two dudes discussing how much fun they had at one of theirs bachelor party. The fun consisted of “the most cocaine I’ve ever done” and ” I can’t believe I f**ked a prostitute right before I got married”

13.

Late to the party, but I once drove some well-dressed Russians in between bars on the west side of Chicago. I used to work for a Russian-owned cab company and I understand a little Russian, and I heard two of them talking back and forth about something one of them was very anxious about.The phrases that jumped out at me were “This is death, this is serious,” “Blood is on me,” and “I’m not a bad man.” The other guy was mainly just telling him to relax a lot, and telling him “There are no fools here,” or something along those lines.Upon dropping them off, like an idiot, I temporarily blanked that I had just heard parts of a seemingly harrowing conversation, and I said “доброй ночиl” which is pronounced “dobroy nochi” and means good night. Only one of them heard me (the older guy telling his colleague to relax) and he just stared at me. Then he came around to my window while reaching into his coat pocket, which scared me shitless. He then pulled out a $100 and said (in English), “My friend, do we understand?”I just took it, shook my head in the affirmative, and drove off. I didn’t take any rides for the rest of the night.

14.

Picked up a drunk guy on St. Patrick’s day. He was talking about his boyfriend, and asked me if he should break up with him for being a money grubbing whore. He then proceeded to tell me about the two dudes he was going to cheat on his boyfriend with that night. Just a weird set of conversations.

15.

Drove UBER one night… it was pretty tame until I picked up two guys who wanted to go to a strip club 40 miles away. As they requested an UberSelect fare I was happy to drive that far. ($80-100) It took them 15 minutes to get ready and into the car and they seemed cool so I wasn’t worried.As soon as we got on the freeway the guy in the passenger seat started asking about UBER driving and things got dark. After a few minutes he started saying shit like “what would you do if someone just grabbed the steering wheel and ran the car into the median” and “have you ever thought about what would happen if someone in the back seat tried to strangle you while you were driving?”I got a little freaked out and tried to lighten the mood by asking what they were celebrating, etc, but the one guy just kept at it.I was happy to get to the strip club and get them the hell out of the car. Bonus was the bouncer at the club gave me $40 for dropping them off there. I never drove UBER again. F**k that.