10 of The Worst Drunken Tattoo Stories

1.

When a man hears the phrase “you won't,” he experiences an automatic and binding obligation to rise to the occasion—it's like bat signal, a gun shot at the start of a race, or a call to duty. The phrase is effective because it implies the challenger has no faith in your willingness to do some crazy shit. For 19-year-old Danny Joe Parkson, who was on a drunken trip with his boys in Greece, the debasing peer pressure came in the form of “You won't tattoo the names of all 17 of us down your left leg.” The crew got sloshed, then each threw in 10 euros for Danny to get their names (Brad, Cooler, Grundy, Fizzy, Dec, Rozzer, E.D., Joe, Greeny, Zack, Arsey, McGill, Karl, Liam, Robbo, Mattie, Banjo, Everritt) inked into his flesh forever (Banjo is his nickname). Everitt's name was crossed out because he left the trip early.

2.

This man woke up from a boozy night out with more than just a hangover to worry about. After rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he was stunned to discover he had a pair of glasses tattooed on his face. The party-goer, who has not been named, at first hoped it was just marker that pals used to make the glasses, but after furiously trying to wash them off, the unfortunate reality dawned on him. With blue lines around his eyes and the sides of his head, the life-size tattoo even had the word "Ray Ban" crudely etched into his skin. And now the man, who is in his 50s, has spent two years getting the tattoo lasered off his face. The Swansea, South Wales resident was on a stag weekend in Blackpool when he got the Ray-Ban tattoo as a drunken dare. He claims he has no memory of getting it.

3.

A dad had his face tattooed using a printer cartridge, then tried to scrape the tattoo off with a cheese grater. Lee, 35, says he was drunk with pals when he had the wobbly tears inked into his skin. The unemployed father-of-five said his children have been ostracised at school as a result of his tattoos, and he has been unable to find paid work in five years. "I went from a hard-working father to unemployed overnight," Lee said. He had the inkings done during a drunken party, after a mate created a homemade tattoo gun using a motor, "some biros, and [a] welding thing."

4.

We've seen some bad tattoos in our time, but this self-inked Charmander Pokémon tattoo just about takes the cake. The picture of the tattoo was posted online by Redditor yllwsnow2, with the comment: "My friend was drunk and on Xanax when he decided to tattoo a black face Charmander with no experience or artistic ability. The flame saves it." When fellow Redditors asked if the 27-year-old was regretting his new body art, his friend said, "He woke up the next morning and asked his friend why he didn't stop him. His friend said he tried multiple times."

5.

“I've done some really stupid things when I'm pissed, but getting a tattoo of the Chancellor of the Exchequer must be right at the top,” says Jerry Collins, 32, from Grantham, Lincolnshire. He only realized his stupidity a couple of days later, when he saw his reflection on the mirror. “Up til then I thought the pain I was feeling was down to the bottle of budget vodka I'd drunk a few days before. I was absolutely mortified.” After returning to the tattooists to discuss what could be done, Collins hit upon the perfect solution to make the tattoo of one of the most despised men in the UK less offensive. “We decided to disguise Osborne by drawing Rolf Harris over him. I'd rather have the leering image of a remorseless sex offender inked on my back than that of a toady little shithorn like Osborne.”

6.

This husband was kicked out by his wife after getting a penis tattoo stretching halfway down his leg. Stuart Valentino, 34, got the X-rated art on his thigh as a drunken joke, but the prank backfired horribly. Wife Samantha, 35, decided she could take no more after it meant the family had to scrap a holiday and swimming trips with Ayla, their three-year-old daughter. Ironically, it was Samantha who bought him the tattoo gun he used to draw the dick as a Christmas present.

7.

A man woke up after passing out at a party to find his friend had tattooed his back. Josh Darnbrough was passed out at a New Year's Eve bash when the prank happened. His friend, Rob Gaskell, inked the words "If found face down call an ambulance" using a DIY tattoo kit. The 24-year-old only realized he had a tattoo after looking in the mirror the following day. The unbelievable joke was in revenge for a tattoo Josh did on Rob's leg two years prior. Amazingly the prank hasn't harmed the pair's friendship. They have been pals since childhood, and still see each other every day.

8.

A man in central Sweden has more reason than most to regret a drunken night out after waking up with Justin Bieber's name on his backside. How Swedish machine-operator Sebastian Tamminen ended up with the Canadian pop star's name (in Times New Roman font) emblazoned over such a private place remains a complete mystery to him. “My friends and I were in Magaluf, Spain and we ended up kind of drunk,” Tamminen, aged 24, claimed. “They had this awesome idea that we should get tattoos. They each had a diamond tattooed on one foot, but for some reason, I ended up with Justin's name on my ass. I can't remember everything—most of it's just darkness.” Despite being a Bieber fan, the machine-operator says he isn't too comfortable with having the pop star's name on his bottom.

9.

A former wild child has spoken of her horror of living with the most embarrassing tattoo in Britain—a penis on her shoulder. Holly Aston, 20, woke up after a drunken party to discover the obscenity inked on her body. And the student says it has ruined her life. Aston hid the tattoo from her parents for two years until the awful truth came out in 2014. She was just 17 when she allowed drunk friends to draw the penis on her shoulder with a DIY tattoo gun she had bought on the internet and later woke up horrified by the graphic image permanently etched on her body.

10.

Getting a tattoo when you're sober can be risky, but as Stefan Owen, 19, from Gloucester discovered, having one when you're drunk is a recipe for disaster. In an episode reminiscent of The Hangover, the 19-year-old student woke up after a drunken night out to discover that he'd had 'Barry is a T***' etched onto his arm. Worse, four months after having the tattoo, he still has no idea who the mysterious Barry might be, or why he deserved the offensive epithet.