10 Crazy Things Confiscated by TSA

1.

TSA picked up this sickle in Newark airport. It’s pretty common knowledge that you’re not supposed to have sharp, pointy things on a plane, but what if the pointy thing is technically curvy as well? More importantly, I thought the Amish didn’t believe in modern transportation?

2.

They discovered these little guys in someone’s checked baggage in Miami airport, proving once again that Florida’s main export is weirdness.

3.

Some guy going through security in Miami had live snakes AND turtles stuffed down his pants. He was promptly arrested because everyone agrees that “ass menagerie” should only be the title of gay hipster porn.

4.

Apparently the person who tried to bring these clay pots through security at Fort Lauderdale had no idea that there were bits of a person inside. That’s a pretty big “woopsie,” homes. Not knowing there’s a body in your luggage is like the airport security version of “No officer, I swear to god I thought she was 18.”

5.

This Chihuahua was discovered in a passenger’s checked baggage at LaGuardia, and they say he climbed in by accident. I don’t believe that for a second, though. Look at that maniacally smug little face. That little shit knew exactly what he was doing.

6.

TSA seized this antique cannon when a passenger tried to bring it through security in Hawaii. I’m not entirely sure how you would hurt someone with this. Maybe bludgeon them to death with random historical facts?

7.

A woman attempted to smuggle these birds through LAX by essentially gift-wrapping them, which is not only extremely inhumane but also sounds like a Looney Tunes rip-off.

8.

Somebody tried to bring this stun gun disguised as a pack of cigarettes through airport security in Cleveland. Maybe it’s just a really extreme way to quit smoking?

9.

This wittle mace was found in a passenger’s bag in Chicago and was promptly confiscated because no one wants to encourage children to play with maces.

10.

TSA discovered this “barely concealed” knife mounted to a passenger’s walker in New Jersey. You know how growing up people told you to respect your elders? This is why. Because if you’re old enough to have a walker, you’re too old to waste time not shanking people who deserve to be shanked.