Zimbabwe is a country filled with breathtaking natural beauty, tasty eats and, unfortunately, goblins.


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“Goblins” have been a known problem in the country for some time. As noted by The Fence, headlines like “Goblins Force School to Close,” “Shock As Prophets Use Very Short Man As A Goblin” and “Goblin Causes Police Station Evacuation” aren’t terribly uncommon in the country.


In fact, just from some light Googling, I was able to find recent stories like “Zimbabwe Police Officers Terrorised by Goblins at Night,” “Police Officers Desert Station Citing Goblin Attacks” (it happened again, it seems), and the simply-stated “Goblins ‘Besiege’ School,” an article in which it’s claimed that a school now requires a “cleansing ritual following alleged incidences of goblins sexually harassing teachers and students.”



So what is really going on here?


There are a few theories at play. The first is that people genuinely believe that they’re being terrorized by little goblins. This appears to be at least partially true. Some claim that they’re part of local superstition and are blamed for any societal ills, with local publications capitalizing on this superstition by printing articles like the ones found above.



Others allege that this was an excuse used by locals to write off some of life’s more unfortunate inevitabilities. Bad weather? Probably the goblins. Someone dinged your car? Driver was a goblin. Wife pregnant with another man’s kid? Sorry, buddy, but your ex is probably going to give birth to a goblin.


Of course, this has some more sinister implications as well, as real problems that could be fixed can also be ascribed to the cursed machinations of the goblin menace.



Real or not, I just don’t want them making their way over here — we’ve got enough problems as is.