The secret to a successful first date? Pooping the bed … at least to influencer Hannah Claire who managed to seal the deal with her now-boyfriend despite dropping a deuce during their first rendezvous.
Last week, the beauty creator, better known by her username @hannah_hcb, headed to TikTok to share a story she once “swore” she’d take to the grave, revealing how her decision to go to Little Caesars on a first date led to a bathroom — or should we say bedroom— emergency.
Though at first, the pair’s outing was “going amazing” — “spark is there, chemistry is there” — things take a turn for the, well, crappy after it came time to grab dinner. Though Hannah’s soon-to-be beau wanted to grab some barbeque, the influencer had another idea, opting instead for a Little Caesar’s pizza.
The pair decided to divide and conquer, picking up their respective meals before reconvening at Hannah’s friend's house where the pair were staying, however, the TikToker quickly realized she had made a mistake after waking up with food poisoning in the wee hours of the morning.
“Cut to 3 a.m., I wake up in the middle of the night, it’s hot as hell around me and I feel horrible,” she explained. “My stomach is in shambles and I know I need to throw up.”
Yet upon getting out of bed — her date fast asleep on the other side — Hannah made a harrowing discovery beyond her apparent food poisoning diagnosis: She had already pooped beneath the sheets.
“I look around me in the bed and there is … you know,” she recalled. “My whole life flashed before my eyes.”
While she was ultimately able to take care of herself, heading to the bathroom and ultimately to Walmart, where she landed some medicine, she ultimately came up with a plan to save herself from an automatic breakup — blame it on her friend’s dog.
“I picked that little dog up, I put him in the bed, in the middle, where the scene has happened. I get back in the bed, pretend to wake up groggily, and go …‘I’m so, so sorry, but I think Roscoe got sick while we were asleep,’” she said.
Fortunately, her plan was a success, her date truly believed that it was the puppy … and not her.
So take it from Hannah — when it comes to poop on the first date, sometimes it’s okay to blame it on the dog, but the cat's out of the bag now.
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