Commissioning public art ain’t easy. Art is subjective, meaning that a piece beloved by one person may be thought of as absolutely goddamn terrible by another.


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Still, there’s gotta be a better option than this:



Recently, Vienna, Austria celebrated the 150th anniversary of its Hochquellen-Leitung — the pipeline that brings water into the city. Rather than mark the occasion with a small get-together (replete with whatever terrible hors d’oeuvres they eat in Austria), the city decided to think bigger.


We can do better than a party, they thought. Hell, this is a water celebration! Let’s bring in the art group Gelatin to create a brand new fountain! And so, they did that. And it looks like ass.



The piece, WirWasser (clumsily translated as “WeWater”), features several, uh, things? There’s a guy there, I think. Some woodland creatures, too.


Look, there are some vaguely humanoid beings involved, but I cannot for the life of me figure out what’s going on. WirWasser looks like they wanted to create something to represent how water unifies us, then ended up spawning a Satanic beast hated by just about everyone. Unification mission accomplished, I guess. Hopefully they didn’t spend a lot of money on it.


What’s that? The piece cost $2 million? Oh. Oh dear.



People involved in the project seem appropriately embarrassed about it. “There is really everything in there,” a spokesperson for the city told Austrian outlet Wien Heute, clearly grasping at straws to find any redeeming quality with the piece.


One of the artists was also interviewed by ArtMagazine.cc, where, in a voice completely devoid of interest, he stated, “A fountain is a fountain. You just think about things. You come to an idea, and a solution, and an implementation — and if it works, the idea is good.”


Please, ask yourself, is it? Is it really? 



If you’re holding onto some faint hope that maybe this is just a cultural difference, and that maybe the people of Austria are really jazzed about the fountain — nope.


Prior to its construction, “A group of residents and the FPÖ ran up a storm against the ‘luxury fountain,’ considering it superfluous,” writes Wien Heute. “There was even a petition against it.”


But hey, if you’re thirsty in Vienna, the fountain features a “drinking point with fresh water for passers-by.” Two million dollars well spent.