The average Trump speech is like taking a drunk driver to a racetrack. Is it wrong? Sure. But are you going to have a good time watching it? Without a doubt.


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See, for almost all of American history, campaigns would include short tours of select cities in the lead-up to a presidential election. These stops included the usual handshaking and baby kissing as well as offering a pre-prepared speech.


Ol’ Donny Casino changed the game. Rather than stop campaigning when he won, the Donald has been on a continual tour since announcing his candidacy back in 2015. In America’s most random cities, the Don spends his nights on stage complaining about things like how hairspray isn’t as good as it used to be or how people in Beverly Hills smell bad.


The point is, he’s a man who is constantly riffing, which is how we’ve ended up here.



In this clip from a recent event in Iowa, Trump described the experience of dying on a crashed electric boat. Allegedly this was part of a larger point about sustainable energy, but I digress.


“If I’m sitting down and that boat is going down and I’m on top of a battery and the water starts flooding in, I’m getting concerned, but then I look 10 yards to my left and there’s a shark over there, so I have a choice of electrocution and a shark, you know what I’m going to take? Electrocution,” Trump said in the speech. “I will take electrocution every single time, do we agree?”


He was met with roaring applause.



For some reason, this isn’t the first time that Trump has talked about sharks. Stormy Daniels claimed that Trump was “obsessed with sharks,” and the aquatic animals have come up numerous times in both his speeches and tweets.



In one speech, he described himself as “not a big fan” of sharks. He also claimed that he would not be partial to any charity that is interested in saving sharks. In 2013, he tweeted, “Sharks are last on my list — other than perhaps the losers and haters of the World!” Daniels also claims that, while on a call with Hillary Clinton, Trump instead focused on watching and talking about Shark Week.


As for the “death by electrocution or shark” question, I’m going with Donny and choosing electrocution. Now, we sit back and wait to see where all the other candidates fall on this vital issue — $5 says Biden is a shark guy.