It’s the stuff of every teenager’s dream, and every parent’s nightmare: throwing a massive party while your parents are out of town. Unfortunately, one recent rager ended in tragedy when a beloved statue of a Goose, named Betty, was kidnapped at the end of the night, forcing its owner to take to local Facebook pages and ask around regarding its whereabouts.


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Bridget Strahin of Ohio posted in a Facebook group for residents of Fairfield City that following an unauthorized party at her home, her porch goose was missing. The post reads: “Missing: Betty, my porch goose. My darling teenager threw a ‘rager’ while my husband and I were out of town last night with 100+ of her nearest and dearest… and aside from the vandalism, urine in my dryer, and busted door frames, someone’s equally darling child(ren) stole from my home. Multiple things… but Betty was a gift and I can’t replace the sentimental value she has.”


She added, “Keep your parenting opinions to yourselves, I’m too enraged to have those discussions rationally, I just want my goose back.” Attached to the post was a photo of Betty, who was dressed up in a Taylor Swift-inspired T-shirt and sported friendship bracelets as necklaces.


In a follow-up comment, Bridget added a photo of what appeared to be a taunting ransom note, writing, “This was just found in my mailbox. SOMEONE’S KID DID THIS.” The note features a photo of Betty alongside the text, “WE HAVE BETTY,” although it makes no demands or includes any information as to how Bridget can ensure her safe return, so it’s not the most informative ransom note of all time.



People were concerned enough about Betty’s safe return that a Facebook group was created, and it was there that Bridget shared the news of Betty’s safe return. She wrote, “She’s banged up, is missing her jewelry, has a hole that will need to be repaired, but she is thankfully in one piece! Someone found her dumped in a yard across the street from one of the girls at Fairfield High who has been CONSTANTLY terrorizing my daughter. I am not inclined to think this is a coincidence.”



Meanwhile, others were more concerned about what else was mentioned in the original post, with one Twitter user commenting, “Burying the lede a bit here. PISS IN THE DRYER!?!?!” which is a good point, frankly. What could motivate someone to piss into a dryer? Even if all the toilets are occupied, sinks are an option, or the lawn outside; a dryer is one of the last places you’d think would make a serviceable makeshift bathroom.


Then again, I’m not a drunk teenager at an illicit rager about to kidnap someone’s mom’s goose, so what do I know?