‘That One, She Didn’t Believe’: Trump Tells Iowa Voters That He Is Not Into ‘Golden Showers’

Ever since the election of Trump, political news has gotten significantly weirder.

Sure, a lot of genuinely bad things have happened, but there have also been numerous headlines that produce nothing more than a chin scratch and an audible “huh.” Take, for example, the rumor that Joe Biden dropped a deuce in his pants during a meeting with the Pope, or how Mitch McConnell can’t stop freezing mid-sentence. Healthy country we’ve got here, eh?

One such story is the infamous “pee tape.” For those who are somehow unaware, there was a rumor in the lead-up to Trump’s election that he had several sex workers pee on a hotel bed once used by Barack Obama.

While it would be hilarious if it did happen, Trump insists that it didn’t — and during a recent speech, he explained why. Simply put, he’s not a golden showers guy.

In his characteristic rambling manner, Trump recounts having to explain his various scandals to his wife. When it came to the pee tape, Trump claims she immediately did not believe it. “That one she didn’t believe, because she said, ‘He’s a germaphobe. He’s not into that,’ you know?” Trump says, unintentionally revealing that Melania probably did believe all the other stuff.

Then, the punchline: “‘He’s not into golden showers, as they say they call them. He’s not.’” Trump then repeatedly says, “I don’t like that idea,” just in case it wasn’t clear that he didn’t want people raining piss on his presidential parade.

There you have it, folks. A former president has said the phrase “golden showers,” truly a first in American history. Who knows what he’ll say next — maybe we can get Trump to be the first Commander-in-Chief to talk about furries.