Texas Is Offering Tax Incentives For Nondivorced Straight Couples

Great news for Michelle and Jim-Bob Duggar, that one TikTok tradwife and Gen-Z trad-Caths a little °too° committed to the bit — the state of Texas may somehow manage to regress further back into the 19th century, pondering a bill that would bestow tax benefits onto heterosexual couples who have never been divorced and share at least one (1) sedans-worth of children.

On today’s episode of The Handmaid’s Tale But Even Worse, Republican State Rep. Bryan Slaton recently introduced House Bill 2889 into the state’s legislature, a measure that would essentially reward straight Texans for staying married and fucking a whole lot. If approved, the measure would offer “certain married couples” who share children a homestead tax credit, offering a 40% reduction in property tax for couples with four children while those with 10 or more kids will be exempt from paying any property tax, per The Hill.

Yet, just like most dubious laws so tactically hinging on the word “certain,” it seems the criteria to earn said credits are pretty damn specific. Alongside barring queer couples and couples in which even one party has previously been divorced, parents who adopted or had children prior to saying “I do” are also ineligible, statutes Slaton said were very much intentional.

“Supporting Texas means supporting Texas families. Strong families are the backbone and building blocks of society,” Slaton wrote on Facebook last week in what may easily be the most boomer combination of words to emerge from a single keyboard. “We must support families by making it financially easier for them to have and raise children in a supportive and nurturing way.”

“HB 2889 provides Texas families with property tax relief based on the size of their family,” he continued. “With this bill, Texas will start saying to couples: ‘Get married, stay married, and be fruitful and multiply.’”

It is unclear whether Margaret Atwood plans to sue Slaton for plagiarism.