Spider Capable of Giving Its Victims “Ever-Lasting Boners” Has Shut Down a Grocery Store In Austria

In a turn of events that seems like the results of a MadLibs game gone awry, there are spiders in Austria that might be giving people boners.

According to TMZ, an Austrian location of the grocery store chain Netto had to temporarily close its doors after there were reports of a Brazilian Wandering Spider on the property. The Brazilian Wandering Spider’s bite is pretty gnarly, causing excruciating pain, an increase in blood pressure, and yes, a raging hard-on.

There’s a whole bunch of science explaining why exactly this happens. There was even some talk a decade ago about the spider having some medicinal benefits as a Viagra alternative (they just had to figure out how to get rid of the “excruciating pain” part, presumably).

But no matter the reason, the idea of a bunch of rock-hard Austrians running through the streets of Krems an der Donau was apparently too much for local authorities, who ordered the store to close. They also haven’t found the spider yet, meaning that there’s an Austrian out there who may soon be getting an unexpected Ständer in the near future.

This isn’t the first time that people have found these spiders outside of their natural habitat. In 2017, a British woman claimed to have found eggs from the spider while eating a banana. A similar thing happened in the country a year prior. And lest you think boner spiders are solely a European problem, they’ve been spotted in the United States as well, with a dude claiming he found one in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

All this said, we can’t be certain if the spider those spooked Austrians saw was, in fact, a Brazilian Wandering Spider. Apparently, the spider gets misidentified a lot. Still, if you happen to live in Krems an der Donau, keep an eye out. And avoid sweatpants.