In case you were worried that the world was becoming an increasingly dark and dismal place, losing all of its charm and whimsy, the European Gull-Screeching Championships are here to remind us that joy and wonder can still be found, sometimes in the most unlikely of places.
The fourth annual championship was held in Belgium last weekend, where competitors trotted out their best seagull impressions in an effort to take the title. The winner of the junior category was 9-year-old Cooper Wallace from Derbyshire who has gone viral for his eerily accurate impersonation, complete with Wallace, in full seagull costume, lunging at a cone of chips brandished by his sister Shelby.
For this impeccable performance, he scored 92 out of a possible 100 points, winning the junior title as well as honor for his home country — it was the first time a U.K. contestant had participated in the competition, which is held in the Belgian coastal town of De Panne.
Wallace was inspired to take up his unique hobby after being pecked by a seagull and having his sandwich stolen, which is a fantastic fuck you to the slightly aggressive birds, an “anything you can do, I can do better” approach to upstaging your enemies. Despite this unpleasant history, Cooper said of the birds, “They are a really nice animal, I like them because of their noise.”
The purpose of the competition is to “reduce friction between seagulls and humans” which is sweet but ignores that much of the friction is caused by seagulls themselves being annoying jerks who have no respect for personal space.
A marine biologist who was president of the judging panel said that Wallace’s impression “managed to include several call types in his performance and each of them resembled a real seagull call in a most impressive way,” explaining that the judges pay attention to timbre and rhythm as well as variation. Seventy-five percent of the final score is based on screeching and 25 percent is based on acting, and clearly, Wallace’s complete commitment to the bit from his costume and nuanced screeching performance to his chip-stealing pantomime were impressive enough to secure his crown.
You ‘gull, Cooper!
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