Play parties may evoke images of sex dungeons and fish bowls filled with car keys, but the reality is a whole lot more DMV than Eyes Wide Shut.

On Monday, Chicago-based fashion influencer @probablyalyssa headed to Twitter with a candid look at the reality of sex parties, proving that getting it on with a bunch of people isn’t all fun and orgasms. “What you expect an orgy to be like vs what it’s actually like,” she captioned two side-by-side photos, one depicting a scene from the Stanley Kubrick classic and the other showing a recent Instagram story from Kristen Jas Vietty, a West Philadelphia-based queer event host.

In the now-viral angry letter, Vietty took aim at a fellow orgy organizer, Matthew Sekellick, demanding he offer several meals of retribution after allegedly copying elements of a document they had purportedly written outlining orgy rules ahead of an event.

“It’s come to my attention that you are co-hosting a play party on Friday. While that’s all well and good, it’s abundantly clear that your information Google Doc was directly lifted from the one that I wrote,” they began. “As I wasn’t asked for permission to use nor share my work, nor credited nor compensated, I consider this a theft of my intellectual property.”

Their demands for compensation included a revision to the document, an acknowledgement at the start of the play party, a cut of the orgy’s profit and a promise to never steal their shit again. They ended the letter with a hefty “or else.”

“If these requests are not satisfied by the deadlines provided, I will take action to make public statements about your theft of my work, and how I see it demonstrating a pattern of undervaluing labor of queer femmes,” Vietty concluded.

Despite containing an easy contender for jab of the century — “Matthew, who identified as a writer, used my party format and writing as the basis of his description doc,” they added in a scathing follow-up post — several gleaned a whole different meaning from their angry stories: Sex parties are way more bureaucratic than BDSM.

“I’ll never forgive y’all for turning sex into homework,” wrote @sweatyhabibti.

“Eh, nice play party you have there, would be a real shame if somebody *copyright struck* it,” joked @punished_stu while @builyd offered some different context to the Eyes Wide Shut still. “Left is a picture of the dude informing the crowd of his labor breach,” they laughed.

If only there was a way these clearly-pressed Philly players could blow off some steam — maybe even with 15-20 of their closest frenemies.