Great news for Scientologists, dudes who like to talk about the Fermi Paradox on the first date and X-Files fans who are a little *too* committed to the bit: it seems we may not be alone after all.


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On March 7, the draft of a new report from the Pentagon’s All-Domain Anomaly Resolution Office director, Sean Kirkpatrick, and Harvard University’s Astrology Department Chair, Abraham Loeb, hinted at what the MUFON girles knew all along — E.T.s may be a lot closer than we think.


"An artificial interstellar object could potentially be a parent craft that releases many small probes during its close passage to Earth, an operational construct not too dissimilar from NASA missions," read a passage from the newly-released draft, which details the physical limits of unidentified aerial phenomena — a.k.a the fancy new name for U.F.O.s.  



So how, exactly, do these probes work?


"These ‘dandelion seeds’ could be separated from the parent craft by the tidal gravitational force of the Sun or by a maneuvering capability,” the excerpt elaborated. Though seemingly far-fetched, this wouldn’t be the only instance experts suspect we may have had a run-in with the third kind.



The report comes nearly six years after a Pan-STARRS telescope first spotted ‘Oumuamua, a mysterious oblong object that was spotted propelling away from our sun in 2017.


Measuring an estimated 100 to 1,000 meters long, the object managed to scoot through our solar system sans a cometary tail, a trait that made some experts — including Loeb — question whether it may be the product of extraterrestrials.



“We consider a possibility where an object as big as Oumuamua, which was a football field size, is a mothership,” he told local Los Angeles news station KTLA of the sighting this week.


Even if Loeb’s theory is correct, it’s still relatively unlikely aliens were piloting the craft, the Astrology expert suspecting the ship may have been controlled by an A.I. system “that stays dormant for that period and just gets activated when it comes close to its target.”


Aliens, they’re just like us — lazy as fuck!