Is it bad practice to make fun of the dead? I think most people would say yes, we call visiting a grave ‘paying your respects’ after all, but what if you don’t know who they were? Just about everyone who’s been to a cemetery has stumbled across a stone with a silly name on it, and sometimes you can’t help but giggle. Is that bad? Well, they’re dead, so who cares.
That’s what the Twitter account Actual Names thinks, and the people behind it have been tweeting out silly names of laymen from throughout history since 2014. Here are 34 of their funniest finds.
Of course, genitalia is the first thing that comes to mind when thinking of funny names, even a kindergartner will tell you that, and plenty of names take heavy inspiration from the private parts; especially dicks. So if you have a dumb name, at least be thankful your name isn’t, Tiny L Cockman, born in 1950, according to the U.S. census.
Susanana Shitdz
— Actual Names (@ActualNames1) May 22, 2023
United States Census, 1900
Clint Stankback
— Actual Names (@ActualNames1) May 22, 2023
United States, Enlisted and Officer Muster Rolls and Rosters, 1916-1939
Dong Splecker Spohomish
— Actual Names (@ActualNames1) May 22, 2023
Other
United States, GenealogyBank Historical Newspaper Obituaries, 1815-2011
Charlies Tiddies
— Actual Names (@ActualNames1) May 22, 2023
Australia, Queensland Cemetery Records, 1802-1990
Dick Munch
— Actual Names (@ActualNames1) May 22, 2023
Oklahoma, School Records, 1895-1968
Harry Freedick
— Actual Names (@ActualNames1) May 22, 2023
United States 1950 Census
Gilbert Testes
— Actual Names (@ActualNames1) May 22, 2023
France, Haute-Garonne, Parish and Civil Registration, 1539-1993
Fanny Flipper
— Actual Names (@ActualNames1) May 22, 2023
New York State Census, 1892
Hungcock Georgius
— Actual Names (@ActualNames1) May 22, 2023
Father
Hungary, Catholic Church Records, 1636-1895
Joaquina Felix de Bitercunt
— Actual Names (@ActualNames1) May 22, 2023
Brazil, Santa Catarina, Catholic Church Records, 1714-1977
Willie Herman Bonercamp
— Actual Names (@ActualNames1) May 20, 2023
New York, New York City Births, 1846-1909
Jürgen Friderich Bonerbuck
— Actual Names (@ActualNames1) May 20, 2023
Germany, Lutheran Baptisms, Marriages, and Burials, 1500-1971
Sukey Shitler
— Actual Names (@ActualNames1) May 20, 2023
England Births and Christenings, 1538-1975
Annie Crapcock
— Actual Names (@ActualNames1) May 20, 2023
Mother
Massachusetts State Vital Records, 1841-1920
Martin Shitdopler
— Actual Names (@ActualNames1) May 20, 2023
Austria, Catholic Church Records, 1565-2007
— Kvetch & Release (@Rye_Angler) May 20, 2023
While some people have an unfortunate and unchangeable surname, surely even the most irresponsible parents must realize that combining it with certain first names is a crime against a child.
Remember, names are important. Eventually, they might be the only record of you left, and it would be a shame if people thought you were a “Richard Cockhead.” (England Births and Christenings, 1538-1975.)
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