Though pot has long been classified as a “gateway drug,” one thief proved that cigarettes are actually at the top of the slippery slope, attempting to hijack an aircraft moments after swiping a pack of smokes from a local convenience store.
In a now-viral clip, 31-year-old Cody Johnson can be seen embarking on a crime spree only paralleled by Robert Pattinson in Good Time, stealing cigarettes from a local QuikTrip before crashing his truck into Wisconsin’s La Crosse Regional Airport and sneaking onto what appears to be a private jet.
While authorities quickly put two and two together — “I believe he’s gonna be a theft suspect from QuikTrip, matching vehicle,” one of the officers told his colleagues as he approached the plane — they realized they were in for a whole lot more than they bargained for upon seeing the aircraft had been turned on.
After several near surrenders, a false proclamation that he was “a suicide bomber” and a request to enjoy one last luxurious poop — “Can I take a shit first?” Johnson appeared to ask — authorities decided to take matters into their own hands, storming the jet and placing him under arrest.
While it’s unclear what, exactly, Johnson’s future holds, the 31-year-old still duking out his charges in the legal system as of December, we can only hope that he got to take those stolen cigs with him to prison — he’s gonna need them.
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