Between the promise of a new Lana Del Rey album coming next year, Amy Dunne’s “Cool Girl” monologue kicking off Bushwick DJ sets, and the newfound appreciation of the cinematic masterpiece that is Barbie as the Princess and the Pauper, the day us Pearl girlies have been waiting for is finally upon us  — the Femcel renaissance.


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Yet amid these recent feats of Femcel excellence — Julia Fox domming a camera on Ziwe, the widespread popularity of Heaven by Marc Jacobs and deranged American Girl doll shitposting — this golden age has birthed a bizarre breed of Pick-Me Girl: The Thotcel.


The Thotcel, much like the Pick-Me Girl, has all of the desire for male approval and love of putting down other women with the added bonus of being down HORRENDOUS (same on that last part, tbh), embodied through the internet’s latest cringe copypasta: “I may not be the girl you marry.”




Consisting of some iteration of “I may not be the girl you marry but I'll be the one you think about while you're fucking your boring vanilla wife,” the copypasta dates back to the early 2010s.


Emerging amid an onslaught of bad Whisper captions and “quirky” copy+paste Tinder bios (you’re not anyone’s cup of tea OR shot of whiskey, Amanda!) the “I may not be the girl you marry” meme has made its way from the bowels of bygone quirky Tumblr-isms and into the hands of Femcel TikTok-ers.



Set to the tune of “Breezeblocks” by alt-J, the trend has sparked thousands of videos with insufferable captions, seemingly penned by women who despite dunking on boomer “I hate my wife” jokes, evidently believe every married person would rather choke on broken glass than fuck their spouse.


“def won't be the girl u marry but probably will be the girl who u hooked ut w literally once and now all her friends take picture of u in public,” read one.



“I may not be the woman you marry but I'll be the one you think about while you're having silent dinner with your boring Wife before she lays flat on her back like a starfish for the entire 2 minutes before you go to sleep facing opposite directions,” added a second


“I might not be the girl you end up marrying but I will be that girl that you think of ten years from now and wonder how her life is going and wonder what life would have been like if we ended up together,” added a strangely sentimental third.


Shortly after, the copypasta trend meandered its way to Twitter — the Musk-y cesspool of decaying TikTok trends— where it took on an admittedly much more self-aware life of its own.



“I may not be the girl you marry but I will be the one you’ll think of ten years from now asking yourself, ‘why did she carry loose raw eggs in her purse’ and ‘how many eggs did she carry at a time,’” added @_radsy.



TikTok: It’s 4chan for the girlies.