Have you ever taken a whiff of the chemically, tinny scent of poppers – the “vcr cleaner” every club rat knows a little bit too well – and thought “Wow, I must drink this immediately?” Do you want your asshole to be really, really loose? Like one wrong trip to Chipotle and you’re done loose? Are you illiterate and confused by small bottles?


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Well, the FDA has your back. Earlier this week, the agency took to social media with a grave warning – don’t drink poppers, you horny assholes.



“A single mistake can prove fatal,” they wrote in the post shared on Instagram on Wednesday, May 24 with an image juxtaposing a bottle of Rush-brand poppers with a similarly-sized bottle of the much-more ingestable 5-Hour Energy.


“We continue to receive reports of people dying or being severely injured after consuming poppers that resemble, and often mistaken for, popular energy shots. Drinking or inhaling poppers seriously jeopardizes your health,” they continued.



While it’s unclear just how many sad sacks have opened a jar of poppers, smelled it, felt their buttholes spectacularly unclench, and decided to chug it anyways, it's evidently more than one considering the FDA’s stark warning.


The agency declined to share its official stance on huffing 5-Hour Energy.