What once was 'America's favorite beer' has become so riddled with leprosy that even if Jesus were alive today – and if he wasn't gunned down first – even his healing touch would be no match for how much people fucking hate Bud Light. 


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The orchestrated effort by conservatives to refuse to buy or support retailers who sell Bud Light will be studied in history books – that is, if history is still allowed to be taught – for years to come. 



"Bud Light is gay! Bud Light has gone woke! Down with the piss-flavored beer! Go woke, go broke!" These are but a few of the prevailing sentiments surrounding the brand since it paid for a partnership post on Dylan Mulvaney's Instagram. 


And according to images popping up from retailers online, Bud Light has never been cheaper, or in less demand. Which, if you aren't a transphobe or some obsessed conservative bigot, is a good thing. 



Anheuser-Busch recently announced that the company would be buying back cases of unsold Bud Light as customers are afraid if they drink the beer they will be tempted to sleep with people of their same sex, or worse, have their penis snipped and vaginas filled with cement, a fear that Snopes has yet to debunk as we just made it up. However, the fear of 'gay beer' is very real. 


Just look at this poor man who is forced to sell his personalized 'gay mini fridge' online for a measly $150. 



So let this be a PSA for all you brave American's out there who are also thirsty and don't hold hatred in your hearts: There is an all-time great sale on an all-time okay beer, so don't wait and go get yourself a few cases before Anheuser-Busch buys them all up and destroys them.