We're all stuck at home confined to our own johns and loos. Now is the perfect time to experiment with new pee-tunes to get your whiz time a little jazzier. Everyone listens to music when they pee, it's just a fact of biology. I made a list of my go-to piss charts that make my urine feel like the best instrument in any song.


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1. Led Zepplin - Immigrant Song


When the vocals come in at 0:10, my bladder just explodes into euphoria. Words cannot describe the calm sense of peece this song can give a man. Led Zepplin always gives me a sharp and accurate stream that allows me to laser any stains that might be in my toilet bowl.



2. Ween - Piss Up a Rope


With lyrics like, "You can piss up a rope/And you can put on your shoes, hit the road get truckin'" a song like this really gets me motivated to start my day. This is definitely a morning discharge classic. After a solid leak listening to this jam, I'm ready for whatever the world has to throw at me.



3. Bonnie Tyler - Total Eclipse of the Heart


I would pee on Bonnie Tyler if I could and I'm not ashamed to admit that. Her raspy and calming voice yearns my stream ways open creating a long and luscious piss. This chart is best used for your 7th late-night pee before you return to a regimented game of Doom.



4.  Pat Metheny - First Circle


This song is an absolute urinal classic. Best enjoyed standing up, Metheny's complex rhythmic pattern (best counted 123,12,123,12,12,123,123,12,12) can get anyone excited about their yellow liquid's dance. It's almost a shame that not many people know about this jam, sometimes it feels like a secret between established pee musicians like myself.



5. Billy Joel - For The Longest Time


Billy Joel knows how to piss a urination musical sensation across the nation like no one else. This pee buddy is the perfect setting for those cross-stream nights with your pals. I'm talking about that sleepover in Florida that you don't talk about with your wife; yeah this is the song for THAT kind of a whiz. You know what I mean. A pee-a-long if you will.



I hope your next pee is as fruitful as they come. May your ears get a sense of whiz-Kalifa and your bladder enjoy the job it does best, this time to a tasty soundtrack. Pee on!