Everyone assumes that, during a zombie apocalypse, they’d be one of the survivors. In their fantasies, they’d instantly transform into a sharpshooting badass who looks amazing in vests and never needs a pillow. But that’s because they think the zombie apocalypse is going to be just like how it is on screen. In reality, you would never get enough food to get as ripped as an action hero, there would be jack all to do when you’re not fighting for your life, and you’d spend day after day desperately evading hordes of the undead only to die of trench foot.
When you think about it, un-life as a zombie is a much more attractive alternative. You have a built-in circle of friends, you never have to work, and you’ll never run out of food as long as idiot survivors keep having unprotected sex. Besides, not all zombies are jerks. There’s a lot of cool, funny, and/or just plain adorable zombies in the pop culture canon to whom we’d be more than happy to offer up our juicy jugulars…
…Because They’re Wholesome
101) R from Warm Bodies
Nicholas Hoult’s shambling R in 2013’s Warm Bodies may be a bloodthirsty monster, but deep down, he’s a big ol’ softy. The story is essentially Romeo and Juliet and Zombies, about the star- and pulse-crossed romance between R and the human Julie. Are you going to deny Zombie Romeo a bite of your worthless flesh?
100) Bub from Day of the Dead
Day of the Dead’s Bub proves that just because someone is a zombie doesn’t mean they’re not a person. After being domesticated by Dr. Logan, he enjoys listening to music and reading Stephen King (though not a zombie title, curiously) and even grieves his dead loved ones. For learning these tasks, he’s provided with human flesh, which we think he’s earned but the movie’s protagonists find distasteful for some reason.
99) Ed from Shaun of the Dead
The best friend of the hero of 2004’s Shaun of the Dead honestly isn’t much different after he completes his redemption arc by sacrificing himself to the zombie hordes -- all he wants to do is hang out and play video games. His friendship with Shaun is beautiful enough to sacrifice ourselves for, too.
98) Philip from Shaun of the Dead
Speaking of relationships that only blossomed after Shaun’s loved ones succumbed to the big suck, Philip’s speech about the difficulties of being a stepfather and his love for Shaun in the moments before his transformation is one of the most heartwarming depictions of the stepfather-stepson relationship even outside a zombie comedy.
97) Barbara from Shaun of the Dead
Likewise, Barbara has clearly been a great mother to Shaun. How many adult men do you know whose first thoughts in a zombie apocalypse would be to rescue their moms? And then defend her with their life? She proves it further with her own last words to her son, giving his relationship with his girlfriend her blessing. Someone toss Barbara a liver.
96) Stephen Andrews from Dawn of the Dead
In 1978's Dawn of the Dead, all Stephen wanted was to protect his pregnant girlfriend and hold the mall fort. He made some mistakes along the way, but we're all human, aren't we? Well, not him -- not anymore. But at least he tried, and that has to count for something.
95) Siddiq from The Walking Dead
As The Walking Dead’s resident doctor, a skilled zombie fighter, and a loving father, Siddiq was such a hero that Carl died for him and everyone was mostly okay with that. He’s quickly put down after he gets zombified in season 10, but if he wasn’t, we’d be okay with him being the one to catch us.
94) Tyler Galpin from Wednesday
Tyler is a “hyde,” and those aren’t technically zombies in the Wednesday universe, but they’re mindless, violent monsters, which wouldn’t be all that appealing if Tyler weren’t such a sweet little cinnamon roll. He clearly had real feelings for Wednesday, and how can you stay mad at a curly-haired barista?
93) Nick Carlyle from Lollipop Chainsaw
Lollipop Chainsaw’s Nick Carlyle also isn’t technically a zombie, since his girlfriend, Juliet Starling, decapitated him after he was bitten by a zombie to prevent him from turning, but he was magically reanimated as a sentient head who hangs out on her belt. He probably doesn’t need to eat people, but if he did, we wouldn’t want to separate them.
92) Johnny Dingle from My Boyfriend’s Back
As the hero of My Boyfriend’s Back, the 1993… what’s the opposite of a critical darling? Whatever the case, Johnny is driven only by love and, incidentally, a hunger for any accidentally and conveniently dead bodies that happen to fall into his path. He only died in the first place trying to impress a girl. Have a heart -- as a snack.
91) Randall Skeffington from Ugly Americans
The zombie roommate of the Ugly Americans house also died trying to impress a girl, but he intentionally became a zombie because that’s what she was into, which kind of tells you what kind of dude he is/was. He might be a slacker horndog, but he’s also an accomplished creative and in a 12-step program for flesh addicts. Still, if he relapses, we’re here to help.
90) Brian from Angel
Brian, the zombie stalking his living girlfriend in season three of Angel, might have a poor sense of boundaries, but to be fair, she did murder him. Even after what is usually an unforgivable betrayal, though, Brian doesn’t want to hurt her. In fact, he wants to get back together, and while we don’t condone staying with your murderer, those crazy kids do make an awfully nice pair.
89) The Lalaurie Sisters from American Horror Story: Coven
We can’t speak for the real daughters of Delphine Lalaurie, the infamous 19th-century Southern belle/serial killer portrayed by Kathy Bates in American Horror Story: Coven, but the Ryan Murphy versions just wanted to get laid. For that crime, they were tortured by their mother and then killed and reanimated by their mother’s rival. So rude.
88) Karen Singer from Supernatural
Karen Singer was just an unlucky lady who happened to get possessed by a demon, forcing her husband, Bobby, to kill her and become a monster hunter on Supernatural. He still loves her so much years later that he’s initially happy to have her back when she returns as a zombie, though he does eventually have to kill her all over again.
87) Crawler from House of the Dead
The House of the Dead: Overkill boss might look scary -- after all, he is basically a huge human/spider hybrid mutant -- but we think he looks cuddly. Look at him, all fuzzy limbs and giant eyes. Those razor-sharp mandibles might get in the way of a continuing friendship, but it would be worth it.
86) Clements from Organ Trail
Clements is a priest who protects you from zombies in the Organ Trail video game, and he's lifesavingly helpful even when he's not literally doing that. He's eventually bitten and asks you to kill him, but consider just feeding him instead. He'd do the same for you, after all.
85) James from Adventure Times
James was a happy-go-lucky Candy Person who led the Adventure Time gang on a mission into the Desert of Wonder and even suspected of being a double agent but sacrificed himself to the Oozers to let them get away. Even the piece of him that Princess Bubblegum cloned couldn't stop being a hero.
84) Rottytops Cadavar from Shantae
Rottytops Cadavar is a green ghoul with a fondness for skull-based accessories who serves as a repository of crucial knowledge for the protagonist of the Shantae video game series. She may have a talent for trouble -- and occasionally threaten to eat Shantae's brains -- but she's got a heart of decaying gold.
83) The Zombies in the Music Video for “Dancing With Myself” by Billy Idol
Look at those guys. They scaled a skyscraper just to attend an impromptu rooftop Billy Idol concert. Twice! Have you ever climbed even a modestly sized building, even with the benefit of a functioning circulatory system in a state of non-decay? It’s not easy. Those are some superfans right there.
82) Zombie Elvis from Army of the Dead
Since it takes place in Las Vegas, the zombies of 2021’s Army of the Dead look a little different from your average ghoul. There’s men wearing tuxedos in the midst of what was clearly a bachelor party gone wrong, showgirls wearing not very much at all, and of course, Zombie Elvis. Here’s hoping he didn’t perish in the bombing of the Paris Hotel because he looked fun.
81) Edgar Wright from Land of the Dead
Blink and you’ll miss it, but director Edgar Wright appears to have been zombified in 2005’s Land of the Dead, meaning that, in that universe, we never get most of his filmography if he’s not sustained. No Hot Fuzz. No Ant-Man. No Baby Driver. Can you live with that on your filthy, dehydrated head?
80) Simon Pegg from Land of the Dead
Simon Pegg appears alongside his frequent collaborator in Land of the Dead, so obviously, we’re going to have to feed him, too. The man is Scotty, for crying out loud. And his run in the Mission: Impossible franchise? Forget about it. Get a jar of Marmite and slather it on.
…Because They’re Cute
79) Ghoulia Yelps from Monster High
Who says a zombie can’t go to high school? Sure, it’s Monster High, but in the words of Cher Horowitz, she actually has a way normal life for a teenage girl. She’s an artist, a cosplayer, and a pioneer of geek chic. It’s unclear if she eats people, but if she does, she’s welcome to us.
78) Neighthan Rot from Monster High
Neighthan Rot, another student at Monster High, is actually only half zombie -- he’s also half unicorn. Half. Unicorn. (Get it? Neigh? It’s not just a Facebook mom spelling.) A unicorn could eat us even if he wasn’t also a sensitive, brooding twink that belongs on the cover of a young adult romance novel. Obviously, we’re letting him eat us.
77) Zobio and Zobiko from Loving Deads: House of the Dead EX
Zobio and Zobiko are basically the animated zombie Bonnie and Clyde of Sega’s 2009 Loving Deads: House of the Dead EX. Like Nick Carlyle and Juliet Starling, it would simply be heartless to get in the way of their love by starving them of your much-needed and underused flesh bag.
76) Zombina from Monster Musume: Everyday Life with Monster Girls
As a member of the Monster Ops: Neutralization team on the Monster Musume: Everyday Life with Monster Girls manga and anime series, Zombina is one of the, ahem, livelier zombies in the undead canon. She loves horror movies, drinking, and most of all, insulting people. She’s a crucial member of the monster police force, so she needs our brains more than we do.
75) Franchouchou from Zombie Land Saga
Franchouchou is the Japanese girl group composed entirely of zombies at the center of the anime series Zombie Land Saga. It includes a modern teenage girl, a biker from the ‘90s, a 2000s pop star, an ‘80s pop star, a 19-century revolutionary, a former child star, and a former exorcist. If they don’t kill us, their stans might.
74) Squigly from Skullgirls
Most of the characters of the Skullgirls saga are formidable fighters, any of whom would be worthy recipients of our brains, but Squigly is a monster after our own hearts. In life, she was the young daughter of another Skullgirl with a penchant for stripes and pigtails, and she loves cake, karaoke, and bubble baths. She also has a snake coming out of her head, but we won’t hold that against her.
73) Dragon Zombie from Wonder Boy
Dragon Zombie is a boss in the late ‘80s and early ‘90s Wonder Boy series of Sega games, and frankly, he just looks stupid as hell. He’s got an eyeball hanging out of his mouth, giving him a real amblyopic look, and he doesn’t even breathe fire. He just spits slime like an asshole. We’d be too busy laughing at him to even notice him eating us.
…Because They’re Funny
72) Mick and Pnub from Idle Hands
After Mick and Pnub are murdered by their possessed friend in 1999’s Idle Hands, they’re just as chill as they were before, even if they do accidentally make everything worse throughout the rest of the movie. The fact that they ascend to a Sublime-soundtracked heaven before they get any munchies for brains is the only reason we’re still living.
71) Billy Butcherson from Hocus Pocus
Billy Butcherson may have been a no-good, two-timing boyfriend to Winifred Sanderson and her sister, Sarah -- at least according to 1993’s Hocus Pocus, because we’re ignoring the sequel along with critics -- but he didn’t deserve to be sewn silent and killed. That might be the only reason he teamed up with the kids against them, but at least he found his moral center eventually, as well as his head.
70) Bob From the Song “Re: Your Brains” by Jonathan Coulton
The zombie from whose point of view “Re: Your Brains” by Jonathan Coulton is sung was clearly a soulless flunkie in life, but that’s what makes him such a good zombie. In between buzzwords, he does make some good points about the feasibility of spending your whole life locked inside a mall. As he keeps insisting, he’s not unreasonable, and that’s more than most zombies can say.
69) Red Handkerchief Zombie from Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”
All the zombies in the music video for Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” have the moves, but in our opinion, the one three rows back to Jackson’s right -- you know, the one with the red handkerchief in his suit jacket pocket -- is particularly funky. They suffer from unsavory associations, but what zombie doesn’t?
68) Zombie Chef from The Stick of Truth
Isaac Hayes may have left South Park under problematic circumstances, but Chef still holds a special place in our hearts, even after he becomes a pedophile Darth Vader. When he's resurrected as a zombie in The Stick of Truth, he even seems to see the error of his ways.
67) Minecraft Zombies from Minecraft
There's often no choice in the matter, as zombies can show up any time when you're just minding your own pixelated business and wreck your house, so you might as well submit. Besides, many of them have the added bonus of being babies.
66) Stubbs from Rebel Without a Pulse
How can you not love a zombie who looks like he belongs in a music video by the Cherry Poppin’ Daddies (with the moves to match)? The hero of Stubbs the Zombie in Rebel Without a Pulse wants nothing but vengeance, and if he needs our brains to get it, so be it.
65) The “Civilized” Zombies from Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
If you have to be eaten by a zombie, it's better that it be one that will observe proper table manners, like George Wickham's army of “civilized” zombies in Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. Of course, once they get a taste for human brains, they'll become savage again, but that allows the heroes to take Wickham down, so you'd only be helping.
64) Eadie Butler from The Sims 2
The blonde zombie seen wandering around the Meetinghouse graveyard in Deadtree in The Sims 2 appears to be wearing a wedding dress, meaning she died at some point just before or after or even during her wedding, possibly to Clancy Hardwick, the man in the There's Something About Mary-evoking tuxedo. That's just rude, and she deserves compensation.
63) Franken Bill from Borderlands
Franken Bill is the hulking, haphazardly slapped-together remains of Dr. Ned’s assistants (guess what their names were) that serves as a boss in Borderlands. He’s a real pain to kill, so you might as well just let the big galoot have you.
62) LeChuck from Monkey Island
A zombie pirate may sound pretty scary (as evidence, we have the entire Pirates of the Caribbean series of movies), but LeChuck, Monkey Island’s fearsome undead swashbuckler, is also pretty freaking goofy. Who else would literally drop dead just because a hot lady told him to?
61) Reg Shoe from Discworld
Reg Shoe is the first zombie member of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch in the Discworld series of novels and an important figure in the city’s movement for undead rights. He’s a valued Watchmen and Ankh-Morpork citizen, so it would simply be your civic duty to let him eat your brains.
60) Windle Poons from Discworld
Meanwhile, Windle Poons is the oldest wizard in the Discworld, helped along by the fact that his scheduled demise was postponed, as Death had taken a holiday, and he was instead turned into a zombie. He’s not just wise but also heroic, having saved the city from a parasitic predator before finally arranging his death. Hee. “Poons.”
…Because They’re Fluffy
59) Church from Pet Sematary
If you wouldn’t die for a cat, well, that’s reasonable enough. We’ve never claimed to be reasonable people, however, and we would absolutely die for Church, the cat in Pet Sematary who is run over and subsequently buried in the eponymous magical animal graveyard. It’s not his fault he came back a killer.
58) Viserion from Game of Thrones
Over the course of Game of Thrones, we watched Viserion grow from an embryo frozen inside a long-dead stone egg to a cute li’l dragon hatchling to a fire-breathing mama’s boy. We’re not about to abandon him just because he was struck down and reanimated by the Night King. What kind of aunties would we be?
57) Wight Snow Bear from Game of Thrones
In case you didn’t know, despite how friendly they look in those Coca-Cola commercials, polar bears are one of the most dangerous animals on earth, and that goes double for the snow bears on Game of Thrones. The one we saw was not only zombified, it was so huge that even being set on fire didn’t slow it down. You don’t really have a choice at that point.
56) Wight Horse from Game of Thrones
For a bunch of brainless monsters, it was honestly pretty smart of the White Walkers to figure out they would need horses. Could you imagine walking all the way from the Far North? Even ice zombies get tired, probably. It does mean they had to kill a bunch of innocent horsies, but the horsies in question remain as cuddly as ever.
55) Wildfire from Army of the Dead
We’re a little confused about the mechanics involved here because, well, all the White Walkers had to do was lift a hand to raise the dead, but have you ever tried biting a horse, even as a human moving at normal speeds? That’s what somehow happened to the horse ridden by Zeus, the zombie god of Army of the Dead, and we’re willing to make it up to him on behalf of the formerly human population by becoming his dinner.
54) Valentine from Siegfried and Roy’s Vegas Act (and Army of the Dead)
Two words: Zombie tiger. If that wasn’t reason enough for you, this tiger was a part of Siegfried and Roy’s magic act at The Mirage Hotel & Resort before she (again, implausibly, all things considered) got bitten and became the guard kitty of Army of the Dead’s Las Vegas horde. That means she’s accomplished more than we ever will. As a dead cat.
53) The Dog from The Last Man on Earth
The curly little guy who wanders into Vincent Price’s yard in 1964’s The Last Man on Earth is so adorable that he gets the closest he comes to risking his life just to cuddle the dog (at least until a hot lady shows up). Of course, the dog ends up being a zombie, too, so Price does what he has to do, but not us. The pets would be worth the devil’s rabies.
52) Zombie Dogs from Resident Evil
The deadly Dobermans of Resident Evil may be known as one of the scariest moments of the multimedia franchise, but we know they’re just misunderstood little borkers. Sure, their rotting bodies are covered in blood of indeterminate origin, and they will definitely eat your face clean off. They’re still good boys.
51) Zombie Cats from Scout’s Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse
Scout’s Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse came about eight years too late to successfully cash in on the zombie craze of the late 2000s, so if you haven’t seen it, the gang is tiptoeing through an abandoned house at one point only to be attacked by a fluffy white zombie cat, revealed to be only one of an entire zombie cat horde. For some reason, the characters flee. We would simply flop to the ground and roll around in undead dander.
50) Zombie Kittens in the Music Video for “MEOW” by Cyriak Harris
If a house full of zombie cats sounds enticing, consider an entire city. That’s the world of “MEOW,” a 2009 music video by Cyriak Harris, which follows a graveyard full of zombie kittens as they rise from the dead, march into the city, take down the army, and form a literally killer band. Such industrious little guys. They even dance!
49) Zombeavers from Zombeavers
If you’ve ever had the opportunity to get close to a beaver (the animal, pervert), you probably only wanted to get even closer, and that’s true for the creatures of 2014’s Zombeavers as well. In addition to being cute, their bite imbues you with beaver-like traits and desires as well. Carte blanche to go around biting jerks’ genitals off? Sign us up.
…Because They’re Babies
48) Craster’s Last Son from Game of Thrones
Listen, even White Walkers need to reproduce, and they can’t exactly do it the old-fashioned way. Instead, they’ve convinced the wildling Craster to sacrifice every son born to his many daughter-wives, because the Night King has paternal urges, apparently. And who could blame him? The icy stare we see on Craster’s last son doesn’t make him any less squeezable.
47) Wight Children from Game of Thrones
During the massacre at Hardhome, in which White Walkers took down huge numbers of Night’s Watch and wildling forces, they apparently also got a good number of wildling children. The hardened warrior Karsi, seen just moments earlier cutting down wights like moderately thick branches, is helpless against a horde of White Toddlers, and she’s right to be. It’s hard to fight a child, even one with an exposed ribcage.
46) Vivian from Dawn of the Dead
Zack Snyder’s Dawn of the Dead kicks off with little Vivian sauntering into her parents’ bedroom, half her face torn off, and even in such a state, her father still rushes to her, ordering calls to 911 just as she tears his throat out. That’s the power of little girls. Her mom has the presence of mind to physically throw her out of the room, which is how we know she’ll make it to the end.
45) Luda and Andre’s Baby from Dawn of the Dead
As if pregnancy and birth weren’t already hard enough, Luda has to do it at the Dawn of the Dead. She manages to get scratched by a zombie before she goes into labor and ends up delivering a zombie baby, whose father dies protecting it. The group immediately shoots the baby upon discovering it, which honestly seems pretty harsh. Did they see the way it flung its arms open and cooed? It can’t even crawl yet. What’s it gonna do? Take a chance.
43) Selwyn from Dead Alive
Dead Alive’s baby Selwyn doesn’t mean any harm; he’s just a helpless little obvious puppet without even the strength to fight off Timothy Balme on the playground. Sure, he tries to bite other children, but they all go through that phase. If his constant cries don’t trigger some kind of protective instinct in you, maybe you’re the monster.
42) Karen Cooper from Night of the Living Dead
Night of the Living Dead’s 11-year-old Karen Cooper is as innocent-looking as a little girl can be, but a zombie bite is the great equalizer. She ends up eating her father and stabbing her mother, but hey, parents and preteens don’t always get along. She’s a growing girl, after all. We’d be happy to sustain her. She’s got bright things in her future.
…Because They’re Hot
41) Beth Slocum from Life After Beth
It’s Aubrey Plaza, you guys. As Beth Slocum in Life After Beth or any other reality, she can have our brains before, after, or even during death, preferably while stepping on us. It’s not like zombification would change her personality all that much (and we mean that in the best way).
40) 406 from Zombieland
Amber Heard has become a controversial figure, but you have to concede that she was so hot as Jesse Eisenberg’s neighbor, referred to as 406, in Zombieland that he didn’t immediately send her to the CDC after learning she’d been attacked by a rabid vagrant. He even tried to reason with her after she’d clearly turned. That’s some boner power.
39) Sylvanas Windrunner from World of Warcraft
If you’re a certain kind of nerd, the combination of syllables that form the name Sylvanas Windrunner probably has a very special place in your heart. Like the Colonel, World of Warcraft’s Queen of the Banshees apparently has highly specialized protective needs for her thighs and breasts, if her armor is anything to go by, leaving her midriff completely open to attack. She is already dead, after all.
38) Shane Walsh from The Walking Dead
Rick Grimes’ second-in-command in the early seasons of The Walking Dead may have been a bald asshole, but he was a hot bald asshole. Besides, he was just heartbroken after Rick’s wife left him for her implausibly alive husband, and we’re pretty sure we could have fixed him had he not been zombified.
37) Mike and Terry from The Walking Dead
Michonne might have been keeping Mike and Terry as punishment for getting her son killed with their careless lifestyle in The Walking Dead, but some zombies are into that. And what woman wouldn’t want her very own pair of zombie pets, who were at least major hotties in life, to lead around on a leash for the rest of the apocalypse?
36) The Zombie Queen from Army of the Dead
Is Army of the Dead’s Zombie Queen scary as hell? Yes. And honestly, she doesn’t have much to recommend her in the oral hygiene department. However, as a former showgirl, she’s got a fairly rockin’ bod even in dubious zombie pregnancy. She’s also a loyal provider, dutifully hunting humans for her zombie god husband. She’s the total package.
35) Julie Walker from Return of the Living Dead III
Is body modification more your bag? Allow us to present Julie Walker, reanimated by her heartbroken boyfriend in Return of the Living Dead III, who discovers that the pain inflicted by piercing her body parts quells her hunger for flesh. Yes, that includes nipples. Possibly other parts we can’t confirm. The piercings also act as weapons, so they’re purely practical, you see. Even the nipples.
34) Jessica McCarney from Dead Rising
If “sexy librarian” is more your type, look no further than Jessica McCarney, Dead Rising’s hottest Homeland Security agent. She may try to hide behind those glasses, beige suits, and hideous haircut, but they can’t cover up that curvaceous bod and pouty lips. Even after she gets zombified, we’d consider it.
33) Annie from Dead Rising
Strictly concerning the third installment (as before that, she’s a child), Katey Greene aka Annie really rocks the “Haley Williams at the end of the world” look. She’s human enough as long as she procures and takes her Zombrex, the drug that keeps the infected from fully zombying out, but she can help herself to our brains either way.
32) Cassandra from Z Nation
Cassandra was used as bait to lure men into a cannibal cult’s trap on Z Nation, so that tells you all you need to know about her armageddon allure. She’s not even a full zombie, just one of the “blends” bitten by Murphy to prevent them from becoming zombies or zombie food, so it wouldn’t be that weird, you guys.
31) The Living Dead Girl in the Music Video for “Living Dead Girl” by Rob Zombie
You know what they say, nobody loves a zombie like a Zombie, and in the music video for “Living Dead Girl,” Rob Zombie chooses a particularly babely one who was thoughtlessly buried in a seriously skanky sheer white dress to raise from the dead. In fact, he thought she was so hot that he married her in real life.
30) Elvira Grey from Fable
Look, we’re just gonna say it: Fable’s Lady Elvira Grey is rocking some serious heavy naturals. She may be a plutocratic murderer, but even after 500 years of death, her heaving bosom remains hypnotizing. If anything, her “big titty goth wife” undead persona suits her even better than her medieval gowns.
29) Mariska from Lollipop Chainsaw
If you’ve ever wondered if death would make hippies more or less self-conscious, as “less” doesn’t seem to be possible, turn to Lollipop Chainsaw’s Mariska. Somehow, rising from the dead gave her shirt the power of being always wet, clinging to her braless form like unrealistic body armor, and she doesn’t seem to have a problem with that. Neither do we.
28) Mary Owens from Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies
One of the many liberties taken with history in 2012’s Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies is turning Honest Abe’s erstwhile fiancee, Mary Owens, into a sex worker, and not a dowdy one, either. The real Owens may not have turned any heads, but the sensationalized version is hot enough for fake Lincoln to risk his life keeping chained up with the hope of curing her cleavage. Uh, we mean her.
27) She from Cemetery Man
The unnamed and undead woman who repeatedly tempts Rupert Everett in 1994’s Cemetery Man was a trophy wife in life and just as much of a prize in death. In fact, Everett’s character finds her so desirable that, at one point, he asked a doctor to cut off his penis so he can be with her. It’s a weird movie.
26) The Witch from Left 4 Dead
Okay, hear us out. Yes, the Witch in Left 4 Dead bears an unmistakable likeness to a latter-day Iggy Pop, but she’s keeping it tight in her post-living life. Those girls are standing up on their own, and that’s a six-pack if we ever saw one. Besides, she only wants to be left alone. She’s an introvert after our own hearts.
…Because They’re Cool
25) Benjen Stark from Game of Thrones
Due to the rules of storytelling, good guy Benjen Stark was saved by the Children of the Forest after being attacked by White Walkers and prevented from going full wight. He was, however, definitely undead, an elder Stark, a voluntary member of the Night’s Watch (remember, that’s where they send people to punish them for crime), and therefore cool as hell.
24) Gregor Clegane from Game of Thrones
On Game of Thrones, there are White Walker zombies, wight zombies, and a secret third type of zombie. That’s the kind that Ser Gregor Clegane, the knight known as the Mountain Who Rides, becomes after being mutually killed by Oberynb Martell in the show’s coolest duel. He wouldn’t be our first choice to kill us, but if he’s determined to do so, we don’t have much of one.
23) Al Roker from Zombieland: Double Tap
America’s favorite weatherman appears in a post-credits scene after Zombieland: Double Tap, asking very good questions about Garfield 3: Flabby Tabby before zombying out and tragically being killed by Bill Murray before we could offer ourselves. The man deserves a good meal after all he’s been through.
22) Sheila Hammond from Santa Clarita Diet
Drew Barrymore can eat us in any incarnation, but she’s particularly worthy of our fetid corpses as Sheila Hammon in Santa Clarita Diet. She’s a devoted wife and mother as well as a total girlboss just trying to have it all who undeservedly befalls a Croatian curse and doesn’t even get to have a satisfying finale.
21) Loki Hayes from Santa Clarita Diet
Loki was a hardass in life, and after Sheila accidentally infects him, he somehow becomes even cooler, performing Cat Stevens covers in a coffee shop in a velvet jacket. He even manages to record an entire album of originals in the time it takes Sheila and her husband to find him again. Talk about a productivity king.
20) Madeline Ashton from Death Becomes Her
Madeline Ashton, the aging star of stage and screen at the center of Death Becomes Her, only wants what every actress wants: eternal youth and beauty. She only gets walking death, but she’s clever enough to scheme her way to a semi-functioning body. Besides, she’s played by Meryl Streep. Who wouldn’t die for Meryl?
19) Liv Moore from iZombie
On iZombie, Liv Moore experiences the memories of the people who roll into her office at the county medical examiner in a body bag and become her lunch, using those memories to solve their deaths, so she’s one of the few zombies you’d legitimately want to eat your brains. She also gains their knowledge and abilities, so if she wants to win a pub quiz, we’re a good meal.
18) Big Daddy from Land of the Dead
In Land of the Dead, Big Daddy is the leader of a zombie gang including a machete-wielding biker and an honest-to-god zombie butcher, and it doesn’t get much more authoritative than that. They target wealthy enclaves in revenge for their treatment of the undead, so getting killed by them is actually a compliment.
17) The Murphy from Z Nation
Have you ever met a man named “The” anything who wasn’t the coolest man you’ve ever met? As a zombification-immune vaccination advocate on Z Nation, the Murphy inoculates people against the zombie virus with his own bite, amassing a loyal army of the partially dead. We would follow him anywhere.
16) Liu Kang from Mortal Kombat: Deception
Liu Kang enters his zombie era in Mortal Kombat: Deception when Raiden resurrects his body without his spirit and sends it on a mission to massacre hundreds of innocent people. We’d line right up to be one of them, because come on, it’s Liu Kang. It’s not like he hasn’t beaten us to death countless times before.
15) Adam Benford from Resident Evil
In the Resident Evil universe, Obama really messed up and Adam Benford became president in 2012 before becoming the first zombie president during a bioterrorism attack at an official event the next year. How cool would it be to be eaten by the president? Like, maybe not the one we have now, but there are several promising future candidates.
14) Bob Zombie from Monster Madness: Battle for Suburbia
With his top hat, skull-topped cane, and ripped pants, the junkyard tyrant of Monster Madness: Battle for Suburbia looks like Slash and a pirate had a baby who died and somehow became even cooler. He can also use that cane to throw cars, so, you know, maybe just die.
13) Josey from Lollipop Chainsaw
In Lollipop Chainsaw, Josey is known as the Master of Funk, and it’s obvious why. Wearing a massive pink fur coat, pink top hats, high-heeled sneakers, and green dreads and wielding a bright pink, star-spangled keytar, he’s obviously based on George Clinton, and if you wouldn’t die for George Clinton, we’re gonna tear the roof off the mothersucker.
12) Cervantes from Soul
In addition to being the most fearsome pirate of the Soul series of video games, Cervantes is the most ripped resurrection you’ll ever see. In SoulCalibur III, he reveals he’s packing washboard abs under that pirate coat, which eventually seem to emit some kind of burning light from between each ab. You’ll be too hypnotized to stop him anyway.
11) Gergoth from Castlevania
What could be cooler than being eaten by the president? Being eaten by a dinosaur. It’s been on your list of top ways to go since 1993, and thanks to Castlevania, you can even be eaten by a zombie dinosaur. And Gergoth has no arms or eyes, so you’d really have to want to.
10) Eddie from Iron Maiden’s Everything
Has there ever been a heavy metal mascot cooler than Eddie, the grisly figure who appears on every Iron Maiden album cover and item of merchandise? We’re not actually sure what Eddie is, as he’s appeared as a cyborg, a mummy, and even a samurai, but he’s definitely some kind of undead monster, and should we ever cross his path, we fully expect to be eaten.
9) Morgan Moonscar from Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island
Morgan Moonscar was a pirate who landed on Zombie Island, so that was his first mistake, in 1998’s Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island, doomed to scare off anyone else who tries to approach when you’d think a sign would get the job done. More importantly, he’s played by Jim Cummings, famous for voicing Winnie-the-Pooh and several other residents of Hundred Acre Wood. Way better than Blood and Honey.
8) Dr. Zomboss from Plants vs. Zombies
There are lots of zombies in Plants vs. Zombies we'd be happy to die for (shout out to the zombie bobsled team), but if we had to pick one, we'd go for the big bad, Dr. Zomboss, in his little zombie lab coat, piloting his little Zombot. Well, there's nothing little about the Zombot.
7) Solomon Grundy from the DC Universe
As the DC Universe’s preeminent zombie, Solomon Grundy is basically a bag of muscles, and not a small one. Think Birkin, not Prada. He was initially an enemy of the Green Lantern, but he’s gone on to fight Superman, Batman, and just about every other DC superhero. It’s another case of probably being unable to fight him off anyway, so just give up.
6) Yaiba Kamikaze from Yaiba: Ninja Gaiden Z
So far, we've been killed by zombies and pirates and pirate zombies, so get ready to complete the late 2000s craze trifecta with a zombie ninja. Not only that, but a cyborg zombie ninja, hellbent on revenge in 2014's Yaiba: Ninja Gaiden Z. If we can help him on that quest, just make sure to put “cyborg zombie ninja” in our obituary.
5) Lord Raptor from Darkstalker
We know what you’re thinking: another dinosaur? Nope! It was all a misdirection. Lord Raptor is a character in the Darkstalker series of video games who is also known as the “Rocker of Death,” so still just as cool. He has wild hair, spiky cuffs, and a Union Jack guitar, making him possibly the only English zombie we’ve encountered. You’d think there’d be more, on account of, you know, England and all.
4) Nemesis from Resident Evil
It’s perhaps not surprising for a guy called Nemesis, but he’s a primary antagonist of the Resident Evil games, specifically Resident Evil 3: Nemesis. We know, another shocker. He’s earned the name, though, as one of the most invincible characters in video game history. He also looks like an executioner who makes a real case for hoods, so between those two things, it’s probably better to let him kill you than suffer the indignity of reacting to him.
3) Reaper from Overwatch
As one of the main villains of the Overwatch series of video games, Reaper answers the eternal question, “Do zombies need guns?” with “Absolutely, yes.” Sure, we don’t technically know that he’s a zombie-zombie, but mofo is some kind of undead, leaves his victims dried-out husks, and if you ever got in his way, you’d wish you were, too.
2) George Romero from Call of Duty: Black Ops
Yep, the zombie daddy himself appears as a zombie and the primary antagonist of the Call of the Dead Zombies map in Call of Duty: Black Ops, having been attacked while shooting what sounds like it would have been an awesome movie with Danny Trejo and Sarah Michelle Gellar. It would be an honor to be his next meal.
1) Zombie George R.R. Martin from Z Nation
Martin may be alive and blogging in this reality, but on Z Nation, he was bitten by a Comic-Con zombie. Do you know what this means? Even after he dies, he could still finish the Game of Thrones books — provided his hunger for flesh is satisfied. It would probably take longer than our natural lives anyway.
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